And what does God want?

The trick question… what does god wants…

 The trick situation god gets what god wants.

The longer she sat feeling sorry for herself the less sorry she felt. She knew that this was her baggage to drop. The pattern was there the cycle was there. She would each time come right back to it.   It was like that story that she had in her Hindi class the story of the Rajputs. It was a very simple story the warrior had come home fleeing the battlefield.  This wife taunts him, at that moment the warrior’s mother tells the daughter-in-law don’t do it, let him freshen up, you can cook something for him to eat. The wife gets furious. But she sets the bath for her husband and goes into the kitchen to cook. When the warrior comes, his mother tells the daughter-in-law to make halwa. The infuriated daughter-in-law sets to do so, at that moment the mother-in-law says, ‘don’t use metal vessels; the sound of metals clashing frightens my son.’  The warrior understands the point his mother made, and returns to the battlefield. ..

Whether this story was relevant or not, like Abhimanyu she had entered the chakravyuha but was clueless as to how to get out. The social conditioning was too rigid. Would she be deserting her duty by moving on to live her life? Didn’t she promise that she would be there to share the stress of looking after the seniors? Of course in return the seniors needed to do certain things too… did they abide by it?

Sense of being alienated was increasing there was no more sense of belonging. The house was not hers, she was the outsider was the universe telling her that her karma here was over? Like Ganga did complete your duty when it is done move on. Her children were now capable of looking after herself and the rest of them made it clear that they wanted her to leave. Now what?

The more she dwelt on what was happening in her space the more depressed she was… the question was why was it happening? The trick question had begun to seep in, however. It had become a trick situation. The longer she sat feeling sorry for herself, the less sorry she felt. It’s called a reverse something or the other. There isn’t time to get into that now.

It was not Karma or was it Karma? Karma was the consequence of an action taken with unbalanced emotions.  But she was God and she had manifested this…

Marriage she realized was a social validation of a physical relationship. But relationship was deeper; it was what we put out…So what had she put out here that reflected alienation?  If marriage was about social anchoring relationship was about emotional anchoring if that was no longer there then what was the point?

What this about closing Karma or about growth? Did she have to learn compassion or learn to say this far and no farther. Was compassion about being doormat? So many questions but answers seem so few.

Maybe Jaggi Vasudev is right when he says you free yourself from the Karmic bondage when you are willing to bear the consequence of your action.

written for July 2020 muse of the month by womens web.

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