A Room Ay One’s Own

Today is A Room of One’s Own Day it was quite ridiculous I thought if we are talking about non-communication, sectarian and this is making it worse.

But somewhere at the back of my mind a whisper emerged, remember Virginia Wolfe, and a Room of one’s own?

“my marriage is bad, I need a place where I can walk in, without questions being asked.”

“I love kids but I do not want to have kids, the pressure from my parents, and in-laws is killing me,”

‘i don’t like to cook’

“I don’t like housekeeping”

Each time these whispers gathered strength other voices drowned them with “So, Sania when do plan to settle down?”

“Indira, I don’t care if you head pepsico , we need milk in the house, and I can’t ask my son-in-law to get milk.”

“Your daughter should learn how to cook, else her husband will have trouble.”

“oh! Meena can focus on her career she has two maids at her beck and call”

Voices were many, shutting the door seemed a great way to keep the din, out, but what does one with suffocation of a stifled voice, one needs a room of one’s own to voice it. Virginia wolfe says any woman who wants to be a fiction writer should have a room one’s own and money, I think it goes for any woman.

No I am not being a feminist her, in the room of my own, labels are not allowed the voices you hear are voices of human beings who happen to biologically female.

Do you see this beautiful piece of decor in the other’s room, yes, the one that does the laundry, cooks, picks and drops the kids to school, and goes to work every morning at nine? Well in a Room of one’s own she morph’s she comes to her own. She is at the ledge knowing that the wings are just emerging and she is at the moment a fledging, she is poised to fly.

A Room of one’s own is where so many women have lived after they died and were burnt at the Ghats of Varanasi, the words that went unheard during their life time sometimes being heard like that whisper.

Some women do manage a room of one’s own where they share their narratives, with other women their daughters and their sons, the sons then take this narrative into a Room where the narrative now becomes the narrative of the son’s mother, or the man’s wife,  the woman’s joy, and sorrow her triumph or failure narrated only through the narrative of the accepted.

Her truth gets washed away with laundry she does, or trapped in the  dust trapped corners of the house, maybe even burns as fuel in the food she cooks.

A Room of one’s own…. I am still looking for it.


Unsuccessful Pondering.

Bette Midler says the worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.

When we come to success we firmly believe those things, it is lonely at the top, and success is climbing higher, the entire imagery is about steps, climbing the ladder still worse a pinnacle. Competitions and elimination only reinforce the belief.

There was a time in life when I had this vision of holding my breath, sacrificing rest and trudging uphill until I reached where I do not know…  there was the imagery of race, and horse wearing blinkers, so that he reaches the goal post, but hello how do I recognize the goal post.

I remember being told, that I should appear the exam, and see what marks I get, then I would have to make efforts in increasing it by 10% it sounded like some kind of a arithmetic progression. Somewhere along the line, I wonder if that is the issue, I mean the fear climbing high, a fear that one might suffer from vertigo. And if you think vertigo is fear of falling, well, it is a little different, it is the voice of emptiness below us, which tempts and lures us, it is thdesire to fall against which terrified we defend ourselves… that persistent wisdom that is knocked into us, the higher go you climb the greater is your fall.

Maybe it is quite contridictatory on one hand you are told to focus and succeed, and then you are cautioned, the higher you climb the greater is your fall…it is lonely there and god knows what.

The seven habits of successful people, steps to success etc, etc. we seem to aiming at success, converting it into a target without really reckoning what it is, the more target like it becomes probably higher are our chances of missing it.

This week when I joined the hunt for happiness group it came bang on, success was a lot like happiness, one could not pursue it… it had to happen. Though unlike happiness which has to recognized, success could be the unintended side effect of personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself. Like happiness success must happen, we have to let it happen without really manipulating for it. maybe listening to our conscience doing what it commands with the best of your knowledge with all sincerity, then we might achieve what is by and large called as success.

My daughter  told me something very beautiful, success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get. Like Winston Churchill, put it success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts…

Over the years of practising dentistry and hypnotherapy, I realize that the greatest issue is not success, popularity or power, but what most of are dealing with is self-rejection.  With success, popularity and power we look for the external clutches to satiate, or present great temptation, again their seductive quality is from the shield the self-rejection. When we have come to believe those voices that call us worthless, and unlovable with tangible proofs, then success (obviously financial implication) popularity and power become attractive solutions. As soon as someone differs from us, or criticizes us, we feel rejected, or abandoned, and we actually pat ourselves on the back, thinking, “I told you and this only goes to prove that I am a nobody, and I am really worthless.”

I like to think of it is the dark side, the side that negates our sacred self, for it tells us, that we deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten rejected and abandoned, it stops us from experiencing our potential.



Of Slump and Trump

I am not a very political aware person, neither do I have intelligence to understand anything beyond housekeeping nor do I have the interest in doing so.  Yet when I hear MrD and my daughters argue about and express eloquently the scenario it strikes to me, that we are forgetting a huge issue.

Jimmy Kimmel went about taking his audience through the 5 stages of grief, yet, what I do not understand here why it is so difficult that to accept more people want Mr. Trump or BJP than those who do not want.

Mr. Trump talks of returning to  a society where women, Asians, Hispanics are kept out from work arena, leaving more jobs for the white American male…  a generation that has not really recovered from the Great recession…Obama Care and taxation has spelt a death to their small enterprises. With dwindling younger generation this generation now in its late fifties to eighties who were normally apathetic are out exercising their franchise, and they are on this trip of going back to the good old days.

In India Mr.Amit Shah went about awakening the sleeping giant of middle class particularly in the cow belt who see a more open and inclusive society as threat to the way they live. This message is persistently reinforced by the movies and television serials. So much so I am beginning to wonder if the entire conspiracy theory is true and the chief conspirator is Murdoch.

Possible that Mr. Murdoch is a racist, misogynist and ensures that his channels subtly propagate these ideas, I do not.

Think of it here is Mr. Trump a commoner who over threw the elite Clintons, and Mr.Modi who over threw the Elite congress WOGS is a chaiwallah. The media beating made both Mr. Trump and Mr.Modi mascots of the underdog. There is something that tells us there is hope the situation can be handled by the common man that is one major reason why most of us are willing to stand by the inconvenience we face over the past few days.

There are alternate voices, they do not want to sing the tune of the mainstream but want to contribute their music to the symphony that voice we try to erase all in the name of progress makes its stand very clear.

On the other hand, media has lost credibility too… if you have been observing the take on currency scenario then from Saturday evening to Sunday evening Times Now ran the same clipping of the voice on the street.

Okay now we are on the acceptance stage of everything, Trump…Currency Slump and all other media dump we need to get more involved and take responsibility as a community. Do we even acknowledge the identity of the community that we are in, particularly the educated migrant community… what is the pace, flavour and rhythm of this community that I have infiltrated into, how I can contribute… these are questions we never ask.

Most of us are not really leaders; the least we can do is to support those who lead.

Negotiating Travel Trials.

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students waiting at the satya sai ayurvedic hospital and college Jamnagar

Last year September 18th we were travelling to Trivandrum, from Mangalore. Everyone in that train seems to travelling towards Trivandrum to appear the PG entrance exam in various streams. The only missing streams were medicine, dental and engineering.

This year it was Jamnagar.

It is my first visit to the state of Gujarat. We enter the state in the morning hours, suddenly the marshy wet rainy western coast gives way to pastoral flat lands, hues of green intermeshed with dull maroon soil industrially vibrant urban layout intercepted by now barren now crop rich terrain. The journey is really beautiful.

I had these visuals associated like Rajkot for some reason I imagined would be muffusal town with prototypes of Gandhi walking around, while Sabarmati would a village dotted with Banyan trees while Jamnagar in itself gave me the image of Jasma Odan.

When we did arrive at Jamnagar it was afternoon.  The first shock was the blazing sun and scorching heat after the comforting air-conditioned travel. Then came the usual pushy auto drivers. After 32 hrs of travelling we were quite exhausted. The food in the train was quite bad too, and we had not packed food like we normally did. With the stark absence of pre-paid auto’s we paid Rs.80/- for an Rs.50/- distance. Kids from Kerala were smarter; they had booked their cabs online.

The town seems to run by Reliance. My daughter tells, me that the Reliance township is just a little ahead. We see the Reliance logo and Narendra Modi everywhere.

we had to get to the Satya Sai Educational Institute campus, again the hotel told us it was a Rs.30/- journey, but the auto insisted on Rs 50/- since we had to get there we had no option but to take it.

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sitting under he tree, like the  Nehruvian colleges.

Once at the campus it was beautiful bustling with “oh! I am so cool” kids, the area simply seemed swarmed by them, I was reminded of the description of the Somnath temple in the book Moonstone, where says the hindoos entered the shrine in neat three file here the kids entered in groups, of various languages, some with parents, some with spouse, some just classmates whatever, and as we waited outside for the next hour it was quite interesting to see parents catching up with each other, some making phone calls, some like me reading books, of course I did try to photograph the wild sparrow but it was camera shy.

Gujarati’s being enterprising tea, fafda’s and samosas made rounds every 15mnts. There was someone selling cold water too.

The campus in itself is very nice, neatly kept open spaces, garbage cans at comfortable distances visible yet discreet. People sweeping the leaves shed periodically. Visitors chairs placed beneath the shades of trees, the chairs were intact and clean. No graffiti marring the surface.

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Parents waiting.

Exam over and when we had to return, the auto’s insisted on charging Rs.50/passenger.

It was nothing more than extortion. Like the return auto to the station was at Rs.!50/-

Here are a few suggestions.

  • As most of the hotels are aware that exams are on, and students flock from all over India, have a pick up and drop from the Railway station and airport.
  • Also as you know most students will be attending the exam, and the venue is fixed, organize a pick and drop from the hotel to the exam venue so that the students are relieved of the haggling exercise, you could charge for the same.
  • Better still the Gujarat tourism/Jamnagar tourism to attend to it.
  • Ensure that the auto’s run on meter.
  • Like Bangalore have a meter card.

Attitude Levied

citizen journalist
image courtsey internet

It is that time of the year, when my father was alive he would ask me to sign a sheet and I would do so, never bothering to know more.

Over the past five years of self healing, I learnt lot of things, the last year has been about learning to handle my belief about money. a

As i read about the invite to pledge to share, the prompt talks about citizen responsibility… which is what I shared in my blog it is  like a marketing piece that colgate or pepsodent would dole out, somehow it does not allow the reader to engage and take responsibility, of contribution.

Yes, I am citizen and citizenship carries responsibilities I know that, yet I have deferred filing it to the last minute. That I realize is because somehow money is something we are not comfortable dealing with we look at money as evil, when we are financially comfortable we tend to be apologetic about it. the only way out was to go into my fear and confront my greed, my weakness, my neediness, and the way out was through my mind by choosing my thoughts.

The minute I said I can’t afford it, my brain shut down my brain, it didn’t have time to think anymore beside it also brought up certain amount of sadness a helplessness that lead to despondency and often depression. But,”How can I afford it?” opened up the brain, forced me to think and search for answers. It also opened possibilities, excitement and dreams and created a stronger mind, and dynamic spirit. At the point the money hits our hands, we have the power to determine our financial future and we never know true freedom until you achieve financial freedom.

Then it came to taxes my attitude I was in total denial, like most social beliefs we imbibe, the attitude was taxes was the way the government swindled people, the past two days, I have just put myself into filing my taxes, the process was not only empowering, it gave me a sense of financial well being.  A random musing of where should the tax money really go,  https://parwatisingari.wordpress.com/2016/07/18/tad-taxing/  changed my attitude, when the taxes are paid I feel empowered.  Maybe if we visualized the tax flowing into various utility projects we will look at our taxes as investment instead of something that is being stolen from us.income tax

It is the universal law, whenever we feel short or in need of something, if we give what we want first, it will come back in buckets. That is true for money, a smile, love, friendship. I know it is often the last thing we may want to do, but it worked for me. I just trust that the principle of reciprocity is true and I give what I want.

I have pledged to pay my tax, for it is my investment towards making my own life comfortable. I have also pledged to be financially organized for that is empowering. The https://tax.hrblock.in/diy/?utm_source=aff1060&utm_medium=email&utm_term=&utm_content=&utm_campaign=2#/layout/income/salary is hugely helpful.

Please include the line, “I’m taking the #TaxPledge to file IT returns with the easy Income Tax efiling option from H&R Block at BlogAdda.

July Morning

junoJuno the Roman Goddess reigning June has gone by, marking the half mark of the year, this morning is the July Morning

I am woken to the beeps from my mobile with idiotic “Happy doctor’s day message.’

Doctor’s Day is commemorated on 1st July in honour of the 2nd CM of Bengal Dr.Bidhan Chandra Roy. I am told he is a legendary iconic doctor, god bless his soul.  It was created for people to acknowledge the service done to them by the doctors. On the ground what happens are events organized, by the doctors for the doctors off the doctors, while rest of those who watch the morning news send the “Happy Doctor’s Day” message the cruellest of them all would be the florist and Archie greeting guys offering a “Doctor’s Day deal”

For god sake the “Doctor’s day” is about acknowledging the role and service done by your doctor. The “Happy doctors day ” makes no sense to me, when people forget the 90% of the doctors who put their patients before their families and sages appreciate Aamir Khan’s tirade against doctors.

I have had patients who stopped an antibiotic like Restaclin, because his Pharmacist advice, that you are okay so why should take the other six tablets left in the course.

There are patients who “Lend” the medication that they were prescribed because their friend has the same symptoms and it would save an visit to the doctor, and of course the doctors fees too.july morning-2

There is a particular patient with PCOD who changes doctors and the stream of medicine each time her daughter the PCOD patient has an attack, none of the times has she completed the course or gone for a follow up. As students we were told that patients are classified as

  • Philosophical those who will accept the treatment and the doctor’s diagnosis.
  • The sceptic, who will argue but if you address the concerns, this patient is the ideal patient to have since he is responsible and responsive.
  • The complaining patient who will complain no matter what…this is the highly avoidable patient.
  • Then the hysteric patient, who loves drama and is totally into exaggeration,.

So when you start pointing at the doctor, it might be a good idea to see where you belong. Before you send that “Happy doctors day” please see if you think just because someone is a doctor you can save your work leaves, and barge into their office beyond schedule hours, if the doctor came to you after your office hours because he/she was attending to a patient would you accept it?

Since this is unique to India, maybe it is a good idea to flee the country…

july morning 3 Maybe I should have gone to Budapest to join them on the July Morning Tradition. People travel across Bulgaria to welcome the first sun ray of the first day of July. This tradition started at the Pier of the Fort of Varna, though now the vigil occurs across the shores of the Black Sea in Bulgaria.

The vigil was inspired by the Uriah Heep song July Morning https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l685JEwFPb4 social scientists believe it could have come from the midsummer rituals, or the sun worship of pagan Bulgaria. Since it has become overt since 1980 other social scientists have called it a subtle protest against the communist rule that kept the Music bands, Flower Child and Hippie cult away from the peoplejuly morning 4

1st of July heralds the Scottish patriotism and celebrates the contribution of the Scots. Various kinds of Tartans are worn. The international Tartan Day commemorates the lift of the act of proscription, an act the decreed the wearing of Tartan as illegal. Internationally streets rich with Scottish population celebrate their ethnicity wearing Tartans, playing the Pipe bands and high land dancing is also seen.

There are other countries celebrating quite interesting events I should actually tackle a holiday maker and plan one before next year.


Happy Doctors Day…Hope you are in a Tartan…dancing to the July Morning tunes of Uriah Heep on the shores of  the Black Sea

images courtesy Google Images.

#Impact of Road Safety

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irresponsible parking


When we were being introduced to Zica at Goa, they talked about safety, and the airbag, it then struck to me that the automobile makers were taking care of the drivers, and pedestrians but the drivers and pedestrians did not really care. So when BlogAdda invited us to write about what would be the TV show that I would create if I could I thought this entire traffic-pedestrian safety would be great.

When we were growing up, I remember my grandfather saying, ”religion is the opiate of the masses,” I did wonder what it meant. Today, it would mean Karl Marx was sadly mistaken and the new opiate is Television.

The television is real, it is immediate and it tells us what to think and blasts it in. it must be right, simply because it seems so right. It rushes us on so quickly to its own conclusions that our mind does really have the time to protest.

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parked beautifully on the footpath

The super-naturalists that we see on screen, if they really had the powers they claim they had, they would win the lottery every week, this is the general suggestion, I would like to think that since they are operating from physical forces hitherto unknown to human sciences they ought to receive the Nobel price, for physics or physiology. Either way what on earth are doing partying by turns on television…. I mean it is okay to be open minded but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

To be fair its not a total waste of time, there are lot of informative programs, it upholds the cow-belt tradition of woman’s place in the kitchen. Think of it, the unique matriarch of the south is being replaced by the docile women, who wields power only when she becomes a mother-in-law a widowed matron, a young widow we know in the true cow-belt style, i.e. the new-age nationalistic Indian style wears white and merges with the walls and furniture.

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vendors on the footpath– Hyderabad

The show with begin with green pristine land of Goa 25 yrs ago. The near empty road, the absence of crazy tourists. The roads were narrow but accidents were less since there were no mobiles to speak on and people took cognizance of traffic. One paid attention to where one went, and tried to keep other roadsters informed where they went. Of course there were vehicles in front who guided the vehicles behind with appropriate gestures called the traffic signs, so it was a community or rather an elephantine herd that traveled to keep everyone safe.


The trees were then knocked off to make wider roads, so more vehicles, and rasher driving, in came the mobiles, and other gadgets, but we did not evolve as we should have, neither did our education.

I would then walk my viewers through the school zone at Sharada Mandir Miramar, where irresponsible mothers drag their kids through the traffic, despite a pedestrian crossing bridge, many other such places.

In puts from the trauma center at the prominent hospital how many men at the road pop, how many those maimed? How many dead and how many handicapped.

Then would be a walk through the town where footpaths are encroached by vendors and people who park vehicles, and the roads are invaded by pedestrians. So we all happily break rules to the next accident and of course we always blame the government, the uncivilized Indian society… never mind we elected the government and we are part of the society and neighbor, and his dog.

It would be interesting to see what the cops have to say about this, other than, ”Goenkar ashi karinaa, yah sagle gaati lok marey”

citizen journalist
image courtsey internet

Finally it would be interesting to invite the citizens solution to this, with Roland Martins chairing the discussion.

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