Cosmic Samosas and Kindness cores.

Aunt Paddu’s Take On New Age Nonsense.

Here’s the story with Aunt Paddu in all her charismatic, no-nonsense glory.

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Let me introduce you to my Aunt Paddu, a 68-year-old retired IAS officer with salt-and-pepper cropped hair, a crisp cotton kurta, and tailored linen trousers, sits at the dinner table with her great niece, Riya, and nephew, Karan. An IIM Calcutta alumna, Aunt Paddu has a keen, no-nonsense demeanor but a surprising knack for humor, especially when it comes to dissecting the New Age trends around kindness.

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Aunt Paddu: (sighs, raising an eyebrow) So, I went to this “New Age Kindness” workshop yesterday. The speaker was… interesting, let’s just say. Dressed in robes, crystal necklace, waving his arms around like he was communing with the cosmos. Said we needed to “align our heart chakras with the cosmic kindness vortex.” Have you ever heard such nonsense?

Karan: (laughing) Wow, Aunt Paddu, did he say anything about levitating into the kindness vortex?

Aunt Paddu: (snorts) Practically. He had us sit in a circle, eyes closed, imagining that we were “transmitting kindness vibrations.” I opened my eyes just to check, and he had this look of cosmic concentration—like he was about to launch himself to Mars on goodwill alone!

Riya: (chuckling) Aunt Paddu, maybe he just means kindness on a grand scale, like… all-encompassing empathy?

Aunt Paddu: Oh, I get that, alright! He was going on about “activating our compassion core” to release “positive kindness waves.” Said true kindness was a “self-ascension process.” And apparently, if I sign up for his 12-week program, I’ll reach “Compassion Level 3.” Imagine that, me—an IIM Calcutta alumna, retired IAS officer—having to unlock kindness levels like I’m in some video game.

Karan: (giggling) Compassion core? Sounds like he’s selling kindness as a new workout plan. Aunt Paddu, did you “activate your core”?

Aunt Paddu: (mock serious) I tried. But my “compassion core” was already tired from sitting through the nonsense! Then he said kindness without empathy is like a samosa without stuffing. Apparently, empathy is the potato in our cosmic samosa.

Riya: (laughing) Okay, now I get it! Kindness is just giving the samosa, but empathy is when you know they like extra chutney.

Aunt Paddu: (chuckling) Ha! Well, forget the cosmic vortex. I’d just say kindness is listening, being there—and, when in doubt, bringing snacks.

Karan: (grinning) Aunt Paddu, that makes you the real guru! But what did he say about pity? Was that like, “low-vibration kindness”?

Aunt Paddu: (nodding) Exactly. He warned us not to “descend into the pit of pity.” He made pity sound like a kindness sin. Said pity only “reinforces the illusion of separation between souls.” I’m sitting there thinking, “Well, that’s one way to over-complicate a basic emotion!”

Riya: So, pity’s not even allowed in his cosmic kindness vortex?

Karan: (laughing) Poor pity—left out in the cold, while kindness and empathy are sipping tea in the kindness penthouse.

Aunt Paddu: Precisely! According to him, pity just strokes your own ego—like saying, “Poor you, lucky me!” He had us practice “compassionate giving” by handing an imaginary samosa to the person next to us, but with “divine respect.” I’m telling you, it was like watching a samosa exchange at a royal ceremony.

Karan: (snickering) So he was performing kindness? I see why he needs a program. We’re just over here, giving regular kindness while he’s handing out cosmic samosas in “Buddha pose.”

Aunt Paddu: (laughs) That’s exactly it! After all this cosmic talk, I realized something: I don’t need a “kindness vortex” or “compassion core.” I think kindness is just… seeing people as they are, and showing up in simple ways. No ascension required.

Riya: (grins) Aunt Paddu, you’re a natural! Forget the guru—you should run a workshop on “Kindness, Paddu-Style.”

Aunt Paddu: (smiling) Only if you two are my assistants! We’ll serve cosmic samosas, potato-filled empathy, and we’ll skip the ascension. Our kindness plan will be: live with a warm heart, a clear mind, and, when in doubt… share a laugh.

They raise their tea cups in a toast, laughing, knowing they’ll leave the “cosmic kindness vortex” behind in favor of some good old-fashioned warmth.