🎭 Bharata Muni & the Vidūṣaka
It was the tenth day of the month, which in the cosmic calendar had been quietly earmarked as Update Your Bio Day—a holiday no one celebrates except failed influencers and certain enlightened jesters.
Bharata Muni, author of the Nāṭyaśāstra and godfather of all things performative, found the Vidūṣaka sitting cross-legged, scowling at his own palm leaf manuscript.
“Why the long face, Fool?” Bharata asked, setting down his quill.
“I was updating my résumé,” the Vidūṣaka said, “and realised it’s been the same since the Mahābhārata. Kings have died, dynasties have crumbled, even the concept of ‘audience’ has changed. And yet my bio still says ‘Court Jester, occasional truth-teller.’”
Bharata sighed in that heavy, guru-approved way. “My dear, a bio is not just a list of jobs. It is rasa in miniature. It should hold your tears, your triumphs, and your very capacity to irritate the powerful. An outdated bio is like performing tragedy in a monotone—it dishonours the art.”
The Vidūṣaka’s eyes widened. “So updating my bio is… dharma?”
“Indeed,” Bharata said gravely. “A stale bio traps you in old roles. A refreshed bio is a rebirth. It’s the difference between playing the hero in Act One and realising in Act Three that you were the Fool all along.”
Thus inspired, the Vidūṣaka fetched his ink pot and composed the following masterpiece.
📄 Resume of Vidūṣaka: Conscience Consultant & Licensed Laughter Therapist
Name: Vidūṣaka (also answers to “Hey Fool,” “Truth-Teller,” and “Uninvited Guest”)
Pronouns: He/Haha
Date of Birth: Lost in the footnotes of a forgotten Purāṇa
Current Location: Between the king’s ear and the court’s blind spot
Objective: To confuse, amuse, and occasionally illuminate
🧠 Summary
Emotionally unstable yet spiritually insightful jester with centuries of experience in satirical disruption, mythic mischief, and dharmic detours. Adept at turning royal decrees into riddles and existential crises into punchlines. Seeking a role where truth is tolerated and hypocrisy is paid overtime.
🏛️ Experience
Court of Hastinapura
Chief Emotional Provocateur
- Translated palace gossip into philosophical dilemmas
- Once made Bhīma laugh so hard he broke a pillar
- Banished thrice, recalled four times (still unclear why)
Forest Sabbatical (Self-Imposed)
Freelance Fool & Itinerant Insight Peddler
- Conducted shadow work with squirrels
- Invented the “Rasa Wheel of Misfortune”
- Held workshops on “How to Laugh While Burning”
Underworld Internship (Temporary)
Ghost Whisperer & Regret Archivist
- Interviewed ancestors for trauma patterns
- Helped a Yaksha write his memoirs
- Escaped with only mild existential damage
Book Reviewer for the Cosmic Library
Unqualified Literary Critic
- Reviewed the Bhagavad Gītā as “a decent self-help book with confusing metaphors”
- Gave the Manusmṛti 1 star for poor character development
- Called Kālidāsa’s Meghadūta “a weather report with feelings”
- Wrote a 3,000-word essay on why Rāvaṇa deserved a sequel
Consultant for Divine Rebranding
Image Strategist for Deities in Decline
- Suggested Viṣṇu try a podcast
- Advised Śiva to tone down the tāṇḍava for wider appeal
- Helped minor gods write LinkedIn bios: “Former Rain Deity | Aspiring Wellness Coach”
🎓 Education
- Bachelor of Broken Expectations – University of Karma
- Master of Misinterpretation – School of Divine Irony
- Certified Spoonerist – Linguistic Justice League
- Unaccredited Wisdom – Learned from listening to silence and shouting into voids
🧰 Skills
- Satirical storytelling
- Archetypal inversion
- Emotional cartography
- Spoonerism deployment
- Hypnotic laughter induction
- Ritual design for reluctant gods
🧘 Awards & Honors
- Best Supporting Archetype – Rāmāyaṇa Reboot Festival
- Lifetime Achievement in Making Kings Uncomfortable
- Most Likely to Be Misunderstood – Annual Dharma Awards
- Golden Coconut for Satirical Excellence – Karavali Cultural Council
🔥 Ritual Segment: Bio Burn of Outdated Emotions
Today, August 10, is Update Your Bio Day.
But before you rewrite your story, the Vidūṣaka invites you to burn the old script.
🪔 Instructions for the Bio Burn Ritual:
- Write down outdated emotions, roles, or identities you’ve outgrown.
- Include labels others gave you that no longer fit.
- Add any bios you’ve written that feel performative or hollow.
- Burn the paper (safely!) or tear it ceremonially.
- Whisper: “I release the mask. I reclaim the mirror.”
This is not just a deletion. It’s a ritual of becoming.
📣 Call to Action: Update Your Professional & Soul Bio
“You are not your job title. You are not your trauma. You are not the version of you that made others comfortable.
Today, update your bio.
Add the heartbreak that made you wise.
Add the silence that taught you to listen.
Add the joy that survived the fire.Whether you’re a Vidūṣaka, a visionary, or a vessel—write it down.
And if you must lie, lie beautifully.”
Bharata Muni read the updated résumé and smiled. “Perfect,” he said. “Now, go confuse the world again. But remember—next year, you update it.”
The Vidūṣaka bowed, ready for Act Two.
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