MeThinks…ReThinks – Parwatisingari's Weblog

To Categorize and Label

There are these constant prompts that ask what does blogging mean to you?

What made you start to blog etc. etc. well I stumbled and just started to typing.

Here I am sitting with my own Jeeves, taking control of my blogs, ”Well Ma’m you have too many categories.” Every self respecting member of the Drone’s club knows that it is essential to be classified and labelled, in short boxed, if you were not boxed you had others foxed, so goes the state of my blog… how do we slot these intellectual pictographs into longitudes and latitudes… How do you hold the moonbeam on the sand…

To be frank it is easier to categorize in life, for the categories can change quite easily, on exerting the grey matter, one figures, that changing categories is so easy that we can actually belong to every single category! We can become hunters, victim, masters, slaves, rich , poor, the lock or the key….it is absolutely do able.

Haa! I think I should try to categorize my blogs, like I said, since my tag line is travelogue of a gypsy, I can have blogs where I am the hunter, blogs where I am the victim, so on and so forth.

I actually considered the very medical college one, where we have six possible causes for every disease.

Injury
Inflammation
Infection
Infiltration
Iatrogenic
Idiopathic

This would let my readers know that I do possess something in the cranial cavity, lets not go into the right and left business, but Merriam-Webster crashed with members of the wannabe Drone’s club members looking up the meaning of Iatrogenic!!

Eventually I figured what has to be done has to done and I got down to it. maybe the best thing to do is go by hierarchy… like the classification of plant and animal kingdom. We categories and sub-categories.

I do agree that labeling, makes it easier to pick the blog one required …

”Jeeves ”I inquired, “maybe I should label the blog you know like the index so that it makes reading easier”

“Navigate, Ma’m people navigate through the blog” replied my Jeeves if “I may” he continued, “I would recommend”

Here is what Jeeves recommended, of course Jeeves belongs to the old school and he allows twenty categories, but the waitress at the choc-o-chip milk bar insists ,”NOT more than eight.” I wondered what one did with other 12, the girl tells me with a straight face, “place it as a sub-category”

Here is the home work I have to do, not more than 20 categories per blog, okay I scale it down to eight. And per post not more three, it is quite confusing when everyone tries to own something. Each category should not have more than three words, and ones with no posts delete the category. Wow, that sounds great.

At the moment I am under shock… just imagine having to weed the thousand odd blogs, and re-categorizing them… let me fortify myself with a strong tumbler of kapi. Frankly I did consider deleting all the categories but I am told by higher intellects that categories, are pivotal as the it helps the readers to explore the contents of blog.

Hmm if I have to sort it to various categories, they need to broad so I sneaked into indiblogger but what under the in the blazing sun would I write about business or IT? I am really suffering from a labeling overdose of labeling, let me start with the basic. What is my blog about..

Observation
Experience
Inference

There are things I have learnt, there are things I have seen some are handed to me, some are entrusted to me till the rightful claimant arrives, so how do I put these into rows and columns/ its about life so I guess that is where I find the pegs to nail it all.

I can do with all the help I get – If any of you do meet Galahad please do send him down to the Drone’s club oriental chapter post-haste.

Capital! Capital! Capital!

Hindi Head Out

Do you feel? Is ignoring by Indian while country’s language is the root of the nation helping to represent their culture and tradition—blogger Dhruv Singh who blogs at https://kalprerana.blogspot.in/

Excuse me… who the F***k says that hindi represents India? It does not.

How does Hindi represent the Tulu culture can you tell me.. please? Why am I being forced to learn the language?

I go to the Canara Bank at Santa Cruz Goa… which is a small village, the village consists of Konkani, Portuguese and Kannada population. The bank staff have replaced and majority of the staff are from the Hindi-belt there are two staff members who have been here for at least two years, they have got the rest of the staff to speak hindi… the customers struggle and communicate in hindi, this person sprawls on his chair and is conversing to the Canara bank person in Mathura — to the day they do not speak a word of Konkani — would the when people cross the vindhyas not only are they asked to speak hindi but to speak whatever the dialect.

I walk into corporation bank at Manipal again it is a Konkani, Tulu and Kannada terrain, the manager Mr.Patni has been there for two years, there are only two out of the dozen staff who are cowbelters yet the entire bank speaks broken Hindi to accommodate them, while these uncouth slobs cannot learn a word of Kannada, Tulu or Konkani. This to me is arrogance. I now understand why people want to shift to post office account or a bank like HDFC where at least English is spoken, so we do not have to put up with rude Hindi person.

Would the canara or corporation bank dare put an employee who cannot speak Hindi to the Hindi belt?

Telecallers, not only call you at odd hours, but they rattle of in Hindi without having the damn courtesy of finding out if we know the language. When you ask them to slow down or repeat, or ask them to speak a language you can understand they use obscenity, this is the great Hindi culture that you are talking about. The call centre person at for Ola Cabs in Bangalore, which by the way is the capital of the Kannada country, says she cannot understand Kannada, so this caller who wanted an car should speak to her in Hindi because this great woman has come from the north. Oh! Yes, the call centre connect to the ambulance had the same problem.

I remember the early congress slogans would be in Tulu, today everything is in Hindi, when Hindi enters the arena it is like a weed liking the local language, with the local language dies the history and the ethnic identity, instead of celebrating Onam, we are wished happy vamana jayanthi, instead of woman letting their hair loose with jasmine strings, we have women covering their head. Over than a hue and cry is made of Hijaab.

Look at any Hindi movie the south Indian woman is shown as loud, crass the worst one is the one by Rohit Shetty not only does he portray the south as uncouth, with ugly men and loud garish women is absolutely maddening.

Talk to taxi drivers of Goa, they do not want a customer from UP-Delhi because they never pay the fare they always underpay.

With the advent of Konkani Railway the Wednesday train that arrives from Bihar-UP brings in the migrant male worker who is so steeped in his Hindi culture, they have infiltrated into every class 4 employment, they join in on temporary basis, again their inability to speak anything else has holds the coastal community to ransom we are forced to learn Hindi, with the Hindi-man comes his mentality independent woman to him is someone, who he can make lewd comments on, he thinks they are prowling for attention from men, it is sickening.

With star and zee networks entering regional channels, we are forced to watch the vernacular translations of Hindi serials, these translations are bad, the values and ethos do not belong to the vernacular culture, and issues are not relevant. Which is why many of us subscribe to online channels on YouTube, whenever I give a public talk on media awareness, I bring it to people’s notice and tell them where the alternates are available.

At the end of the day Mr. Singh Hindi is as alien to me as English, I choose English over Hindi as it is a language that my grandparents taught me, they did not teach me Hindi, I learnt Tulu, Konkani, Tamil Kannada and English by the way I do speak Hindi, I have read enough of Hindi authors right from Tulsidas to Bacchan, Nirala, and MaithaliSharan Gupta, but if you demand I speak Hindi I do not. And once again HINDI IS NOT THE CULTURE OF THE COUNTRY, IT IS NOT THE LANGUAGE OF THE COUNTRY, it is Language spoken by a minority population of Majority non Hindi speaking population, Hindi can go Up…the…okay I shall curb the spontaneous word comes and up the pole.

I am angry so I refuse to apologize for either my thoughts or my language,

Bed 15 — H1Ward.

Bed 15—H1 Ward

The clock ticked…

Against the quietness of the ward it sounded like pounding rather than ticking. Sarvishta looked; there was something about the terminal ICU that was inhumanly human.

H1 bed 15, was an elderly man, a powerful magistrate of his time, with him was his brother, a senior professor, and son, a leading businessman. Sitting very composed was the magistrate’s wife and younger son, all looking rather helpless.

It is quite scary at a point to see, the patriarch, the strength and the navigator of the family story lying helplessly on a bed with tubes connected all around.

Just that afternoon, her husband’s ex-girlfriend Sarasa had called from Chennai.

“Look at the two responses,” Sarvishta’s husband commented, “one hand there is Sarasa, who is very concerned about her father, she was telling me, that she would be flying down to Kenya as schedule and if anything happened to her father, she would have to return. On the other hand is Ajay, his father is on the ventilator, the doctors have given up, he has returned to states and is asking me what to do.”

Sarvishta wanted to ask him, so they are two situations, what do expect them to do, but she was too tired for a full blown discussion. Maybe because he had never been there, the point when you have to accept that mantle, take a decision. Actually she had not really heard the conversation through she wondered what did he expect.

She could empathize with the family at bed H1 or even Ajay, going back and forth, from being so young that the world was not so big, one could see everywhere and then papa was a hero and not a human being, to being so burdened with the choice of letting or hanging on.

When her own father had died she thought the world had crashed, she was drowned in this abysmal sense of loss that she wanted to whimper for everyone to hear, I have lost my father, my world is no longer the same, no more is warmth of the pre-dawn conversation, no more is the 6am call, my safety net has had been removed and I was endangered. It was at that moment Sarvishta wondered if that was why father was perceived as God, father’s inspired us to measure up, while mothers loved us unconditionally or so it is believed.

Most of us learn to engage with the world outside, from the odd moments our fathers teach us, you know those moments when they are not trying to teach us, we are formed by little scraps of wisdom that we pick up and quilt on to the fabric of our conscience.

She was brought out her musings by the ward sister bringing in coffee, “Doctor, ami Piku bhagitle, the movie has brought out father-daughter tension and bonding so well.”

Sarvishta smiled, “sister ani dhon, cup coffee haad,” looking at professor and his nephew, the younger son had taken his mother home.

While sister went to brew the coffee, she slipped back to memories of her own father, his tears and fears unseen, his love never vocally expressed,yet his care his protection through out her life, to the day she had her morning coffee in his presence.

When in a moment of depression she had tried to end it all, he had held her hands and said,”I know you have done nothing wrong, I know don’t need someone else to tell me that, I know the daughter that I have raised. I fear for you future, not for your character, my love and trust accompanies you no matter where you go, my concerned is you should have that nest to return to.” From then came her moment of recovery.

“Sir,” Sarvishta called handing them the coffee.

It was as if, the coffee took the decision, the Professor who was normally everyone’s strength supported by his nephew, three of them had their coffee in silence.

Sarvishta was back at her father’s,

“Vishy, he is in pain, a person from beyond is calling him, you are the last bondage let him go child.”

The decision had been so painful, holding her father’s hand and telling him, “Papa, I am your daughter I am strong and will survive, you can move on when you are ready.”

A week later he was gone.

“If nothing changes by morning I think we shall take him home,” professor said handing the coffee mug back to her, they sat there in silence a moment of compassion, and strengthening.

World Social Justice day

February 20^th is the designated as the world day of social justice by UN, the theme this year being Preventing Conflict And Sustaining Peace Through Good Work.

Of course this duo word coined in 1850 does mean equal distribution of resources and opportunities in which outside factors that categorize people becomes irrelevant. Since 2007 the UN-General assembly has been recognizing February 20^th as the day of social justice. This day is promoting efforts to tackle issues such as poverty, exclusion and unemployment.

The social development aimed at social justice, solidarity, harmony and equality within and among countries lot of there is also pledging of equitable distribution of income and greater access to resources through equity and equality and opportunity for all.

If you were to go through the UN-site there is a whole hoard of hot air, and high sounding ideas, ideals and talk, but at the grassroots I wonder how this pans out… the migrant labour who comes constructs the road, their families living in temporary shanties with no toilets, when they do use the open spaces the educated elite coming down on them hard… is that social justice?

People having to leave their homes in search of menial jobs are that social justice? Young adults trained with skill sets that cannot be applicable, so either they do engineering and work as bank clerks, or they migrate elsewhere disturbing the ecology of the society they migrate into is that social justice?

We confuse “growth” and “development” displace indigenous communities from their legitimate space like the fisher folk of Bambolim beach… the once common resource like the bay and beach has now become exclusive to the five star hotels and this encroachment is this social justice?

If we could train people for the jobs available, people take care of the sick and poor in their own communities probably we would come somewhere near social justice.

Actually all this social justice is a little wonked, I mean the issue we are really talking about here is the great economic divide. Which has been created by greed… we call progress and growth well growth could be good or bad let’s not go there now but progress should mean for the better here is where we get confused, trees and settlements destroyed is called progress because we have better roads to drive…at faster speeds? Is it social justice that we destroy environment, we displace people we create population, we guzzle gas to me a world or equality would mean no just a liveable open world for homosapiens but also for the animals, and birds, with our trees and river beds being clean and intact.

At the end of the day equality is not treating everyone the same way it is attending to the different needs equally.

Hera can you hear?

World marriage day

And Hera is goddess of marriage and family.

The second Sunday of the month of February is significant in the catholic calendar as it is the day world marriage day, before you conclude like I did, that is it is the day that the world gets married, well it is meant to create the family, the commemoration is about honouring the father and mother as the base unit of the family.

The fat Indian wedding is so focused on the wedding, and once the wedding is over, suddenly we realize holy matrimony is not about union, but about transforming a two thinking individuals, with identity, into this nebulous image of Husband and wife, everyone remotely connected become stake holders and begin to advice and manipulate the couple. The couple have no chance but to go their individual way.

In a way I really appreciate the Agha Khani’s and the Catholic Church that runs pre-marital counselling. The feminist in me might rebel at the patriarchal leaning of it all, but it is a difficult dialogue that has to be held.

It starts with simple understanding of what we are committing ourselves to that I think in the Indian scenario is the first thing parents ask. Life goals like what would you like to achieve in the future…involvement with the community… do you do it as a couple or separately?

I remember this friend of mine, who was a brilliant surgeon, she married another brilliant surgeon and every time a challenge came up, it she who was expected to compromise on her career, I have resented it that I am expected to put my work on the burner because something needs be done.

Most marriages are in a mess as the couples do not explicitly voice their expectations. Despite of what the extended family I have heard people get scandalous when couples are to talk money, well if you are going for a traditional Indian wedding then salaries, are we comfortable with the difference, how do we expect to be supported emotionally, financially, what are your concepts of fun and how much of space would we like to have for friends and other activities, these are things that need to be looked into.

When niece Soundarya got married, since her husband and she both have good jobs and it keeps them busy, they decided to hire a cook, it no doubt upset both the sets of parents but they were clear that they didn’t want additional stress, Soundarya hates cooking, so on Sunday’s her husband cooks.

Then there was the issue of where would they live. Like the eminent Bangalore lawyer Puthige Ramesh says in his experiences many marriage break because of the altered dynamics a marriage causes, when his son got married he suggested that the new couple stayed on their own but since his son and daughter-in-law decided that they wanted to stay together in the joint family being part of all the traditions that are followed, since the decision was made by the young couple they are quite happy making whatever adjustments have to be made.

The question of celebrating festivals, and taking holidays were very informally but definitely settled within the structure that way everybody is comfortable. Not that there are no arguments, or discussions, but the basic channel for dialogue is open and flowing.

Two years after Prerana and Manish got married Manish’s younger brother Dhanesh got married, the first thing Dhanesh’s mother told her new daughter-in-law was I hope you won’t have children before Prerana does, five years down the line, Dhanesh and his wife have a kid, while Prerana and Manish had decided not have children right before they were married. Again in the Indian scenario it is the elders who suggest when the couple should have kids, who should be the gynaecologist. Etc. but it is an essential conversation that should happen, do the couple want to have kids if so how many, what age difference etc. etc.

The Money talk… somehow we assume this is a dirty talk, Manish again gives his pay check to his wife, while Dhanish’s wife is clueless about his earning, well both are extremes, savings, investments, joint accounts all these are conversations that are essential to sustain a marriage.

Parents, parents-in-law how much time will the couple spend with them, most women of my generation do have the grouse that the husband does not spend time with her family, while she is expected to put his family first, having said that, I have noticed a shifting trend like my friend from Harmony builders in Bangalore she designed the senior citizen’s habitat for Bangalore city http://www.harmonyarchitects.com, well she had both her parents and her parents-in-law living with her. While my friend Sonia has relocated to Goa to be with her parents, and her husband is Calcutta with his parents. These are the challenges of today’s life.

Gender expectations, when B.V.Karnath got involved with the other actress and there was that fire episode, everyone blamed Prema for focusing on her career, but is it fair that Prema should give up? This is a conversation that has to be had, I still resent having to give up the project director’s post for IFA because Mr.D did not believe in relocating to Bangalore, or a long distance marriage. Yet most weekends I am alone, this brings me to next unspoken but the most important aspect of marriage that is the erotica. Hopefully today’s youngsters are more sensible, but our generation, we did not give time for ourselves even in the context of being parents, or being with in-laws it is essential that the couple do put a side gizmo free, people free time just for themselves. Else when the empty nest happens, there are just two flatmates cohabitating with legal sanction.

The man in the wedding sherwani and the man you try to make conversation with after a decade or two of marriage are totally different, and sometimes just not acceptable, that is when we land up connecting http://www.vandanashah.com/services.html or look at the nearest Guruji.

Then there are even more difficult dialogues, like spirituality, extramarital affairs, and conflict resolution… where we could probably take a logical decision, but when the moment arises we are totally illogical.

At the end of the day, it about the journey that begins with the wedding, we need to ensure that there are spaces in the togetherness, and letting the winds of heavens dance in between, love is essential but not a bondage, a sea between the shores of the soul is needed, we need to fill one another’s cup but not drink from the other’s, we could share the loaf, but not pounce on the same loaf, we need to walk together

It is not about surrender and blend, it is about covalence. Whether one changes ones name or not is irrelevant, but whether one finds a partner who is with us through thick and thin is relevant.

Phew I did what I hate the most I actually delivered a sermon…

a little clarity

Viraaj came to me as he was feeling dissatisfied and he did not have the energy to complete what he was doing, and he did not enjoy his subject etc. etc. I took him through a trance and what came up was he was confident with his work.

As we went deeper he had a sense of being pushed into this situation, it turned out he was feeling angry and frustrated, on clearing various unwanted energy cache and belief system, he had this very clear vision of what he wanted to achieve in this life, he also realized that while he wanted some comfort in life, there was some stress he was not willing to take, this allowed him to create a vision board and plan of action for himself

This sorted him out and over the past year and a half he has moved along the territory where he wanted to go.

The technique I used here along with hypnotherapy is a technique called the ego state identification..

Through my dental practice I have had patients whose parents cribbed about their kids not doing well, not being consistent in their efforts or in results. I used to empathize. Often I wondered what was the issue.

The issue usual that explains all is the lack of confidence.

Most workshops and self help books are about confidence what I feel sometimes we fail to figure is that what is required is not confidence but clarity.

Once I started practising hypnotherapy full time, I figured that self acceptance to an achievement varied from person to person.

There was a kid, who wanted to do medicine, and I asked him why he said he wanted the kind of adulation his uncle had, people looked up to doctors, doctors saved lives, the devil in me thought” does that mean that you would like to play god.” I didn’t ask that though.

What he was telling me was he wanted recognition, and to him it came as thank you cards from patients, the current medical school scenario is such that the adulation that he looks for may not come by, for another person success meant having his own TV show.

At the end of the day I realized what was required was clarity, once there is clarity we can navigate through crowds without bumping or prodding into anyone, but when there is no clarity it becomes another story.

Interestingly that moment of clarity just pops up out of nowhere, many a times take my patient into the trance and ask them to have a conversation with their higher self, then comes an amazing clarity of what is the purpose of this life, and it comes with even more clarity how can they put their existing skills to achieve that purpose.

What happens when we are able to shed the social, parental and conditioned wrappings, is we get to see our purpose very clearly, this allows us to set the intent of where we would like to go. It also gives us the clarity, courage and determination to follow our dreams, we often find toxic people who lack clarity in their lives discouraging us, suddenly as we begin to live in integrity with our truth, peace becomes inevitable and success becomes a given.

A Room Ay One’s Own

Today is A Room of One’s Own Day it was quite ridiculous I thought if we are talking about non-communication, sectarian and this is making it worse.

But somewhere at the back of my mind a whisper emerged, remember Virginia Wolfe, and a Room of one’s own?

“my marriage is bad, I need a place where I can walk in, without questions being asked.”

“I love kids but I do not want to have kids, the pressure from my parents, and in-laws is killing me,”

‘i don’t like to cook’

“I don’t like housekeeping”

Each time these whispers gathered strength other voices drowned them with “So, Sania when do plan to settle down?”

“Indira, I don’t care if you head pepsico , we need milk in the house, and I can’t ask my son-in-law to get milk.”

“Your daughter should learn how to cook, else her husband will have trouble.”

“oh! Meena can focus on her career she has two maids at her beck and call”

Voices were many, shutting the door seemed a great way to keep the din, out, but what does one with suffocation of a stifled voice, one needs a room of one’s own to voice it. Virginia wolfe says any woman who wants to be a fiction writer should have a room one’s own and money, I think it goes for any woman.

No I am not being a feminist her, in the room of my own, labels are not allowed the voices you hear are voices of human beings who happen to biologically female.

Do you see this beautiful piece of decor in the other’s room, yes, the one that does the laundry, cooks, picks and drops the kids to school, and goes to work every morning at nine? Well in a Room of one’s own she morph’s she comes to her own. She is at the ledge knowing that the wings are just emerging and she is at the moment a fledging, she is poised to fly.

A Room of one’s own is where so many women have lived after they died and were burnt at the Ghats of Varanasi, the words that went unheard during their life time sometimes being heard like that whisper.

Some women do manage a room of one’s own where they share their narratives, with other women their daughters and their sons, the sons then take this narrative into a Room where the narrative now becomes the narrative of the son’s mother, or the man’s wife, the woman’s joy, and sorrow her triumph or failure narrated only through the narrative of the accepted.

Her truth gets washed away with laundry she does, or trapped in the dust trapped corners of the house, maybe even burns as fuel in the food she cooks.

A Room of one’s own…. I am still looking for it.