When we were at the age where we wore rose glasses we said “Let your love free if it comes back to you, it true if not it was never yours.”
Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes.
Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers’ tears.
What is it else?
A madness most discreet,
a choking gall and a preserving sweet.
The Greeks talk of three manifestation of love. Philos the brotherly, /friendly/neighbourly/patriotic kind of love. Eros the romantic sexual love. Agape unconditional all consuming love.
Two more kinds make an appearance at times. Sturge old friends connecting after separation, and they seem to pick to exactly where they left off… no matter what the time lapse. I suspect this is the word that inspired the word storage! Epithemia, overwhelming desire to give all
coming to think about — (this is a feeling topic and thinking one in the first place) — love and physical attraction seem to work on contradicting each other.
If physical attraction is magnetism between opposites love is magnetism between similar. We love in love with forgotten or disowned pieces of ourselves.
Love once gained is never lost, the soul in search of itself finds a soul mate– then you are eternally married to that person. This maybe a little narcissistic.
When we find ourselves in another it becomes an art of self acceptance. It cannot be possessed; reclaimed or comprehended it is timeless.
Physical attraction or sexual attraction can exist independent of love or even within love.
Physical attraction at times acts like bait inviting us to heal ourselves. It makes it so powerful because the soul seeks wholeness.
Each one of us has the desire to touch and to be touched. The prohibition on sexual magnetism can distort its profound purpose.
These suppressed instinct sequestered can rage within and express inappropriately.
It can even translate to hate and violence
Many women will testify this that it is easy to get a man fall in love with you. Provided you are willing to play down yourself and play up what he wants you to be. (Incidentally most Indian girls are told that this is the ideal way to be right from the cradle.) The only troubled with this is we will; have to continue not being ourselves.
The mistake that happens is we love someone not for what he/she is but what we need. And the solution begins with the quote from Dante—retell the good discovered. I probably would date and marry a bossy man who takes charge because I need the comfort of being looked after it may not be a permanent need. When the need is over the trouble begins, what you got in the unhappy relation is what you need to work on, may be organizing yourself, and may be a personal agenda. The revolutionary question here is
What do I enjoy?
By the way in a need based relationship we are cheating on both ourselves and our partner.
Somewhere maybe finding ourselves brings more excitement and joy than any romance has to offer. The joy of self discovery – solving a problem making a book case, inventing a dance step or even something as mundane as cooking.
Donna Janssen the relationship expert has this list to share. This existing excesses and the whole.
|Knows everything||Curious||Knows nothing|
|Out of touch with one’s feeling||Draws wisdom from one’s feeling||Overwhelmed by one’s feeling|
|Ignore one’s mistakes||Learn from mistakes||Makes excuses or obsessed with mistakes|
|Feels superior||Feels equal||Feels inferior|
Try this out,
In whatever order or form they come to you write all things you want in an ideal lover.
You have just described the rest of yourself.
Presuming that we have broken for whatever reason, then the yin and yan did not fit.