ring the bell–www.bellbajao.org
How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself? Anais Nin.
Urmi’s niece has just put her yet to be two to a school, and Urmi was scandalized, why have a baby if you want to outsource its care. For a minute she was stood stunned, for she realized that it was the generation before speaking through her, without realizing that her niece had different challenges to face.
Urmi, now in her mid forties wondered how relevant this was, yes her generation maybe the generation of ambitious women and changing values and morals, like Madonna put it, “I’m tough, I’m ambitious and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay” only the last part did not work for the average young Indian girl of the ‘80’s
“I wanted to become a doctor; I could not so my daughter and her daughter will full fill my dreams.” If the sins of the ancestors visit the youngsters their ambitions came to haunt the next generation. Sometimes Urmi wondered then what my secret dreams I enforce on the next generation. Isn’t this living in the past?
The new age life coach’s drone, “reality is something we create for ourselves, our imaginary fears get transmitted to the universe and we call it a premonition”
Whatever happened to Good Old Newton’s third law and the universal law of Karma Urmi wondered. A hazy memory slowly awakening her…
“We now break for tea, and return I want you to open the worksheet 2 and fill in what your dreams are.”
Uri’s older sister Anagha was on Uri’s case, the last 10 yrs had seen Uri turn from a bubbly fun-loving vibrant person to a withdrawn subdued personality. It looked like life was drained out her. Anagha being a trainer with ‘laws of attraction ’decided to try that to bring Uri out of her shell.
“I want you ladies to fill in what you want and not what your mother-father- or aunty next door want for you. You don’t have play safe you only need to express.”
Uri picked up her pen but when blank—- there was a sense of déjà vu –5yrs back
“I’m Dr. Sequera here, could I meet you this evening, not to talk work but to discuss a concept with you”
“What’s it about”
“Well. Yes Maria…Dr, Iyer I shall see you this evening my patient has turned up right now.”
In the evening Patricia Sequera asked Uri to list her dreams, Uri realized she had forgotten how to dream,
What did she want before she got married? Being a doctor was of course there she also wanted to travel. Even her choice of career, archaeology her first choice, had created a havoc at home, you won’t get a job, but today after medicine, and with anthropology as a hobby went to various digs, scheduling it in between her husbands, vacations and numerable trips to his ashram so that kinds schedule would not be interrupted.
Urmi’s daughter did tell her,”mama glad you are my mother, you don’t limit me.” But then she had forgotten to dream, being a mother, wife, daughter-in-law, she had put herself last each time, still
“You are troubling my son, your ambitions are too demanding”—when Uri knew for a fact that she didn’t even ask her husband to take her out for a cup of tea. If she needed a break she took it alone, for her husband, had his spiritual commitments as priority, “why don’t you divorce him “what her mother-in-law asked of her only last week. Is that the price she paid for killing her dreams? Well Urmi had done her dream list, which was part of the Amway training that’s were Uri changed too; she started awakening her dreams and talents.
“Blanking out doc?”Manini’s voice brought Uri back to earth, “it happens to all of us, what I want you to do over the week, is pick up career magazines, leisure, and life style magazines at least 10 each and pick up all the pictures that you like, then put up all those that make you smile, we take on from there”
The vision board as Manini called it, was ready, now display it where you can see it.
— Déjà vu. “Put it up where you can see it” Patricia had said. Uri had made a board with places she wanted to travel.
“Uri, take this nonsense, by doing this you are pressuring your husband do you realize? You can’t have impossible ambitions do realize what it will do to your marriage”–this was Uri’s mother “don’t you realize that your children are your priority, focus on them, your dreams and ambitions should not be at their cost.”—Uri had hidden the board.
Uri had immediately felt guilty for dreaming or evening nursing those ambitions.
“What’s up doc?” Uri told manini about the past,
“Doc, you put up your dreams and your focus for yourself. Your children will also share them with you. If your husband feels pressurized it’s his problem. You are not demanding anything from anyone, this is the second barrier to overcome, what do you urmila want do you realize that you have been mrs.Iyer, Sarayu – swati’s mother, Uma Shiva Raman’ daughter for so long that you have killed Urmila. When Urmila is present, aware active, she will have the energy to do the role play, to choose and prioritize this is the reality you need to create.
It is considered normal and right for the woman to come last every bloody serial aired by the Hindi channels glorifies the long-suffering, sacrificing woman. The saddest part is when a man marries a woman knowing her ambitions and talent, he demands no expects her to step down.