shades of grey

avoidance 2One afternoon at canapé,

It was our women’s evening out and the group consisted of women who are juggling young adult kids, busy career schedule, busier husband’s schedule, senior parents. It was meant to be an evening for us to relax and let our steam out. We had official husband bashing and issue bashing days.

Rohini has joined our group recently. Somehow the equation has got messed up with rohini constantly being on the phone. Since Rohini is a person I relate to out of the Saturday sorority,  I realize that despite initial interactions with her, most people tend to avoid her. The reason was quite interesting. After initial enthusiasm she would not carry an activity through, during interactions she would either be on the phone or talk about irrelevant things. There were moments where she would slip into to lisping like a twelve-year-old.

It took us bit more time to figure that it was essentially because she did not want to take responsibilities for the issues she was facing.

Yes we all confronted issues and find resolutions. At the sorority, we share our challenge, our breakdown and somewhere we find the solution. Our principle is excellent we use CTRT after allowing the person wallow in self-pity for about half and hour we then stir her to finding the resolution and one us turn into buddy.

Its not just Rohini, I have found this with lot of other people, we numb ourselves. This prevents us from confronting the issue and keeps us from ever finding the resolution or peace.

Despite of being equipped to experience a complex array of diverse emotions, we are so uncomfortable confronting our most powerful emotions. We may shy away from delight, despair and instead of the resplendent colours we slide into the monotone world of grey.  I found myself snuggling into the world of samosa’s and banana chips, there are others who delve into the comforts of alcohol, sugar, shopping, television or anything, but most of these are temporary.

This refusal to confront keeps us from finding resolution or peace. Of course there is no pain or powerlessness but there is no joy or healing either.

The numbing activity no matter what it is somewhere diminishes the quality of our life. The surface needs are tended to, but our deeper needs stay unaddressed.  We begin our disconnect from the world around us.

Maybe finding out what makes us numb ourselves, what is triggering us to emotionally fade out may help us recover ourselves.

With each numbing activity we cut out of our life, we find ourselves more aware and experiencing a greater emotional acuity. Senses once shrouded by the fog of numbness becomes sharp and acute. Traumas and pain long hidden will emerge out to the forefront helping our conscious  and reveal themselves so that we can heal them. Somewhere our deeper self finds a self that is comfortable experiencing and working through the intense emotion with courage and grace.

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