Finding the freedom in say No…

an relic from 1800 a tree in front of the museum
under the wisdom tree.

I have always had issues in saying no to certain people, I would oblige with so much of anger and resentment. But saying No was a No-NO, even to the day despite my age and physical challenges I find it impossible to say no, be it telling my kids to wake up on their own, or telling my siblings that they are on my toes and it hurts.
It maybe a childhood conditioning or cultural one, saying no, especially to someone older, was sacrilege. Somewhere along the way I learnt saying yes, meant, avoiding conflict, criticism and praise. It meant a chance of acceptance. In this gamut of event I bequeathed the right to say no.
Yet the right to say no is integrally integrated in my ability to make a choice. This tendency of saying yes, when I desperately wanted to say no, I realized came from my fear of being rejected. Without understanding that in doing what is contrary not only have given up on true freedom of choice, I have also assumed that I will be rejected for my assertiveness, which in turn means I have judged the other person’s acceptance of me as conditional.
When I attended the landmark curriculum, having to say ‘No’ and accepting a ‘No’ were both part of the growth.
What I did learn was saying yes, to seek approval or stave off disapproval was actually detrimental to my personal growth. Often the ability of to say no becomes an important aspect of well-being, as it is an indication that we understand the true value of our energy, talents and time. As we learn to articulate our personal power of saying no, we are compelled to explore the myriad consequences of the word by responding negatively to many or most of the requests made.
The healing stage may include a default NO program, until we find the point of balance.
The acceptance that acceding to others requests provided these requests do not infringe on our health and emotional well-being is great. For only when we are aware that we have a legitimate right to say no, can we say yes with utmost certainty, sincerity and enthusiasm?
Saying yes, comes with a cost. There is peace and growth in acceding when our reasons for doing so are rooted in our individual values.

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