My mother has a flawless complexion and was absolutely fair. As a child I grew up with this observation people made to my mother “You are so fair, your daughter does not have you colour.” The worse observation was “Your son is so good-looking he should have been a girl, and your daughter a boy” no matter what their intent was, I landed up with a belief that I as dark and ugly.
At Landmark forum one of the learning’s we had to address this was the vocabulary that we use, our leader Venu would always say, there are many troubling phrases in our language that we use without considering their full meaning simply because they have been accepted into common knowledge. Despite the fact the we evolve, our ideals progress our language remains, or retains some phrases that do not really serve us anymore. Like… boys will be boys, problem child, good child, when say problem child we mean a child who does not fall into the pattern of social convention.
The intent may or may not have been cruel, but many kids like me would experience inherent negative. My reaction was I would attack before the onslaught came their by rendering myself open to more negative. These phrases have stayed with for the last 30yrs. The only way out for me was to now consciously create a positive language by choosing not use in my day-to-day life.
It is an exciting though challenging exercise to observe ourselves in terms of the language we use. At the end of the day, it is an area where we can exercise free will. These could have small yet a rippling effect, to create a positive pond around us. The first experiment was to catch ourselves picking on the way others speak and our natural responses that mirrored that. The next part to be consciously choosing a vocabulary that does not serve us. Finally we had exercised our creativity by creating new phrases that carry positive and loving energy to replace the old ones.
Of course the know-all that I am I ready had some ideas about phrases I had some ideas about phrases that I wanted to transit out of my language. But the process was not only challenging it is also evolving and unfinished. Some of the phrases are handed down from a generation of different learning and conscious. We could only alter it for ourselves. The generation next need to re-invent this for themselves.
As I dropped these phrases I realized I dropped the collective experience that it brought, and I did begin to feel lighter and more joyful. The journey like I said has been one of self discovery, learning, exciting and challenging.