why not now?

nowWhenever I had a new sari, I would keep it in, and save it to be draped for the first time. there were times when in an emergency I would gift the sari away to someone else and tell myself,”Khane wall eke naam dhane dhane pe likah hai.”

Then my world began to crack, I had to face the debate of chemo or no chemo, I had an accident that shattered my ankle, and a three year old daughter who was experiencing all this tension with me. Once all the decisions were taken and the recovery path began, the only thing I could think of was that there were 6 saris lying in cupboard for the past 4 yrs and I had not draped it even once because I was awaiting the right event.

Every evening I would drape one of the new sari’s, until a day came when my mother got irritated and asked me why was I draping an expensive sari for just to stay at home. Of course I did give a smart aleck answer, “well if I had died in the accident then you would look at those undraped sari, and have regrets right, now we don’t” but that’s when it struck to me, why wait for some day? Why not now?

I mean all the joy and passion that I envisioned could be mine right now rather than in a future point in time. It is so easy to put off things to tomorrow when we dream of things today .After all the time we are blessed with is limited and tends to be used up all too quickly we are so busy coping up with today, that our aspirations stay put and each idea and inspiration does come with an expiry date.

I shall work on my dream when I am done with this, but something else comes up I have been experiencing this in my space for the past 7months. But the truth is I am scared, scared that I might fail in my venture. As long as don’t start I still have the possibility of not loosing. But coming to think of it, the idea or the concept that inspires me has a life of its own, it visits me for while and if I do not honour it, it will just move on to someone who does.

That brings me to my question ‘Why Not Now’ and this question drains me of my power to realize my ambition. I am so concerned about the notion that I somehow don’t deserve happiness, I don’t deserve fame, that I don’t want to court it. When I decisively say “Why not now” there is a shift. Be it a perceived lack of time, or lack of self belief, there is shift and resources begin to appear at our disposal

Think about it, in terms of days and moments lived, we’ll never again be as young as we are right now, so might as spend this, the youth of our future in a way that deflects regret. Investing in myself, doing something fun, something important to me, loving someone extra – after all I am just a kid with enough years and events to know that every day is priceless.

“Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be. If we do our best, we are a success.”
― Zig Ziglar

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: