Home is where you go to find solace from the ever changing chaos, to find love within the confines of a heartless world, and to be reminded that no matter how far you wander, there will always be something waiting when you return.”
When My World Fell Apart
The first time I could not make it to the passing grade.
My ankle getting crushed in an accident…
My grandmother passing way
My father passing away
The crab threatening to visit the most precious person in my life.
Finally being burnt 40%
Each time it seemd like my world fell apart. There are other external factors too, when I seemed totally shattered. There were relationships crumbling, sometimes it was as if my physical environment was crumbling, there was time I could not put my finger on it, but it was as if the walls around me was crumbling and I was standing on nothing to lean on, exposed and vulnerable. But looking back these were the times that gave me the opportunity to see where I had established my sense of identity, safety and well-being. Many times during the process I did locate my sense of self in externals, each time these external factors shifted I had the opportunity to rediscover and move closer to my core until it dawned that was the only truly safe place to call home.
Maybe it takes falling apart to see exactly how or what loosened the mortar, because, sometimes I found I was responsible for the how and the what, it was unpleasant as it is when it happened. One cannot help but appreciate these times for what lessons one learns. Of course this is only half the battle, no; it means you have begun…
It also dawned that the core of our being is not really effected by the shifting winds of circumstances, nor does it is subject to the cycle of change that govern physical reality. It is as steady or consistent as the sun, which is why the great mystics and mystical poets often reference the sun in their odes to the self.
Like the sun, there are times when our core seems so inaccessible to us, this is just a misperception. We know that when the sun goes behind the cloud or sets for the night, it is just temporarily out of sight. In the same way, we can trust that our inner is always shining brightly, even when we cannot see it.
This core is something we can cling to when things around us are falling apart, knowing that an inexhaustible light shines from within ourselves. The times of external darkness can be a great gift in that they provide an opportunity to remember this inner light that shines regardless of the circumstances of our lives. As our external lives begin to come back together we are able to lean a little more lightly on the structure we used to call home, knowing more clearly than ever that our true home is that bright sun shining in our core.