Changing what is not working.
I am sure most of you some point or the other have been where I have been, that realizing something in our life is not working. It starts as a doubt, then nags and eventually we reach a point where we say ,”yes things have to change.” We go about bringing the change. Many times, we make the change even before realizing what the problem is. There are times when we fear change so much that staying in that rut seems so much easier. We are very- reasonable about why we want to stay in that rut.
Like one patient of mine, was putting up with domestic violence of the passive-aggressive her argument was—if I move out it will affect my kids.
Yet changing is not the solution when we try to change something somewhere it is like darning, or setting a cracked crockery right. The scar remains, what we need is courage and grace to transform what is not working to make it workable.
Working these unworkable, took to me Guruji’s, therapists and the Landmark forum. Eventually I realized it was not the wand, but the wielder of the wand, I had decide that I wanted the transformation. It was so amusing I knew what I did not want but did not know what I wanted.
The first step was, to remind myself that my life is made up of parts that belong to an interconnected whole. One change changes the whole picture.
I had to understand what was not working, it was not why but what.. the totality my work, my relationships, where I live and nail that point.
I then put down everything I thought did not work, like “dirty house bothered me—so my cleaning routine did not work “
My relationship is not working – if it were to work what would it look it?
Next step was, if it had to look like that what were the steps that I needed to take? Now that was a total shift of working that emerged.
Putting the plan on paper I realized made a whole lot of difference not only did it make things clear it also made them do-able.
The key to making the change was to accept the necessity of change as part of life. We find it necessary to fine tune our relationships, work and living situations. Our lives are living, breathing entities that reflect our dynamic self.
“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”
― Albert Einstein