Rescuing the rescuer,

knight in the shining armourI just want one person I can rescue and I want one person who needs me. Who can’t live without me. I want to be a hero, but not just one time.”

― Chuck PalahniukChoke

I am looking at my mother, who is 72yrs. She is very different from what she was 7years ago when my father died.

Of course she has always been a very vibrant personality, extremely capable .during my teenage years she did sound like an avatar of Hitler.  Yet she was the person who went out of way to help people, family members or strangers.

After Papa passed away she went to Bhubaneshwar for a change, she called up from there, and she told me she was on the beach. Something that she always wanted to do, but my grandmother..(bless her soul, she was my favourite person) and then my father were so definite in their views that she didn’t dare express it. I did feel terribly bad then, I also realized that she was oppressed too, though I did not like to accept it, both my father and grandmother were identical people and both extremely dominating.. Now I was the sole occupant of her circle A and I am pretty bossy too.

Today after all those self healing sessions, and healing others, I do wonder if the motivation to help others maybe an extension of a deep desire to heal an wounded part of herself.

She is not the only one, some people seem to be called to help others often from very early on their childhoods. Responding to the needs of the family members, strangers, animals what ever the selflessness is very impressive.  These people seem to have few needs of their own and focus their lives on rescuing, helping or healing others.  To most of these people public opinion is very relevant and to some people acceptance.

It appears as if the motivation for the rescuer role is an extension.. is that the word, not really maybe manifestation of a deep desire to heal a wonded part of themselves that kind of craves for love and attention the way they dole out to those around them on a daily basis. Whatever the reason the inability to give themselves the love that they need they give it to others.

I am not saying that they are not meant to help others, or that their help is selfish, what I  just figured out is they could do well to turn some of that helping energy within, or maybe those of us on the receiving end of the help can return that to them.

Unlike my mother who has grown despite the rescuer model, many get stuck in the in that role living in the crisis mode at the expense of inner peace and personal growth. Until the person resolves their own inner drama, they play them out in  their relationships with others drawn to those who need them and often unable to acknowledge their own needs or get them met. In the worst case scenario they enable the others dilemma by not knowing when to stop playing the rescuer and allow the person figure it out on their own.

One way to figure out that someone is our space may require rescue the rescuer within are people who are going through a inner burnout from over giving. There is underlying resentment an inability to admit having needs of one’s own and unwilling to be vulnerable. Help comes when we allow ourselves to admit we need it.

If a rescuer can find the strength to turn within and face the needy aspect of their own psyche he or she can become a model of empowerment and a true healing source in the world.

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