Obligations to others and to ourselves.

obligationBil “Obligation is a more effective weapon against the Will than any penalty, threat or act of force.” 

― Ashim Shanker, Sinew of the Social Speciesl Courtney, Against the Grain: A Coach’s Wisdom on Character, Faith, Family, and Love

Sunita is one of the early people who has been coming to me for treatment. One major issue she was dealing with was, her role as mother, wife, her husband’s business partner and to herself.  What appeared to me was she scheduled so much in her life that she was draining her energy meeting her obligations.

We all have obligations, in various aspects of our lives, it could be being part of the community, family, and many a times I have found it fun too. There are times when all this gets too much—though I have not really been there, and we just resist these obligations. Particularly if they all turn up at the same time.

At the same time saying no, might be an option we do not want to consider, whatever the reason maybe we do not want to hurt the other person, or we do not want to loose out on an opportunity. We land up doing things at a cost to ourselves.

There was this time, when i would be cluttered with things to do all one weekend, then nothing at all another, the same went for my writing. Thats when I realized being aware of my schedule and weighing the repercussion of not going to an event and eventually choosing one that blended with soul-goal was important. But more important was reaching out to the person maybe with a card or phone call to let them know that you are there with them in spirit and your absence is not because you don’t care goes a long way.

There are times, when we promise something, commit ourselves to something, that is a promise, a debt that is unpaid.  When we make a deal, we stick to it. Rock-hard rule. We don’t renege, we don’t sell out. We hold up our end and expect the other person to the do the same. If the other person can’t we are entitled to deal with everyman of it as we see fit in order to set things right. Actually we are more than entitled, we are obliged, else the rule would mean nothing.

It might be easier to set a limit for ourselves, but when we do so we never reach our true potential and we have an obligation to live up our potential.

Meeting our obligations to others is an important part of being human and not one to take lightly. At the same time, we cannot meet every obligation without neglecting our primary duty to take care of ourselves. We can navigate this quandary by being conscious of what we choose to do and not do and by finding concrete ways to extend our caring when we are not able to be there in person. , Phenomenal Woman: Four Poems Celebrating Women


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