Just when started to come back to life, I realized that my husband gave instructions directly to the maid. It really upset me for a while. But somewhere thanks to Landmark curriculum for living the barking dog showed up, and I realized that he had taken on my role during my illness. So there had been a shift in the working of the house.
It also occurred to me it is natural for shifts to take place in a marriage.
Though the course of a marriage or any long-term commitment, the people involved do shift in out of roles, like my husband had to support me during my recovery while I had to take on the entire running of the house when he went abroad for PhD. This meant putting my goals aside for a moment to allow him grow, or him putting his goals aside to allow me repair.
Though I did not have the maturity to appreciate it then, I realize it now, that I was not graceful when I stepped aside, this blocked me from having the opportunity to embody a nurturing stance it also robbed me off feeling the pleasure of seeing a loved one thrive. When my parents, husband or kids expand their horizons we expand our’s too and gain access to a world that would otherwise remain closed to us.
Having said so much about stepping aside taking time to attend to our personal healing, spiritual pursuits or other interests to maintain a balance with our relationship it’s important that we address these issues each time one person steps into a supporting role so that the other can try something new. When we are conscious about acknowledging that one person bearing a bit more of burden so that the other can grow, we stand a better chance of making sure the ebb and flow in the relationship remains fair and equal.
The most important part of this process is open communication in which each person has a chance to express how they feel and come to understanding about the roles they have agreed to play and when they expect them to shift. Each time a dynamic shift occurs a ceremony of acknowledgement can lend an air of distinction to the moment. This can be simple dinner date or an elaborate ritual, depending on what works best for us at that time. Maybe the most important thing is expressing gratitude to the person in the supporting role and encouragement to the person to the person moving in a new direction. When the flow of feeling and communication is open, a healthy closeness develops that allows each person in the relationship to have a turn at each of these important roles.
I realized that it was not just my husband, I mentally assigned roles to people in my life, and when they did not play their parts i had a hard time accepting that.
Like Karthiga Reddy of FB shared, one way of making things work, was to make our partners truly our partners have communication channels open, when we listen to our spouse, we communicating non-verbally that they are important to us. at the end of the day, there are no coincidences in life. that person who wanders in and out of my life was there for some purpose, even it caused me harm. Sometimes it didn’t make sense the short time we got people, or the outcome of their choices. However when turned it over to God, she promised that I will see the big picture in the hereafter, nothing is too small to be a mistake.