Trying to resolve inner conflicts.

bhudha bhoomi (4)Being free of conflict was what I looked at for a long time. It is so crazy, I used to think I have an issue with my mother because she was not accepting me the way I was.  Somewhere during my journey I realized it was not she is not accepting me, I was not accepting myself and my self approval was defined by what I thought was my mother’s approval of me.

I had to find the peace within me, to make peace with the world. I had to make my peace with peace.

We are so conditioned to believing that conflict is the sign of growth. Yet we also agree that a more peaceful would be an ideal situation for all living creatures. However we seem to be stumped as to how to bring this ideal situation into being.

Like I figured if needed peace in my life, I needed to find it within me. If I do not like myself then I will definitely find it difficult to like people around me. When I am in a state of inner conflict, then I probably manifest the conflict in the space around me. If we have fighting within our families, there can be no peace in the world.  The only place where we can truly create change is within ourselves.

As I initiated the process of looking within myself for the meaning of peace, I began realizing why it is so difficult to come by.  It kind of makes sympatric towards people who are caught up in conflicts both personal and universal.

Sometimes, when I have experienced the transit moments of peace that I can call up within myself by reminding myself of what I want to create, I also feel the pull in the opposite direction.—the desire to defend myself, to keep what I feel belongs to me, to protect my loved ones, to cherish my ideals and the anger when I feel threatened.

This awareness became important because I could not truly know peace until I could understand the many tendencies and passions that threatened my ability to find it. Peace includes, even as it transcends all of our primal energy much of which has been expressed in ways that contradict peace.

Being at peace with me was not denying or rejecting any part of myself. On the contrary to be peace I had to be willing and able to hold myself in all my complexity, in full embrace that excludes nothing. This was the most difficult part for me, for I wanted to disown the negative aspects of myself. Ironically though true peace began with a willingness to take responsibility for my human failing,

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