“Who are you?
Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?
I have. I am fucking crazy.
But I am free.”
― Lana Del Rey
I am currently re-reading Belinda Viegas book Cry of the Kingfisher where she talks of three Goan girls who go through life trying to please their parents, being the the society perceives as ideal daughters
Looking back on the various confidences that I received at the dental chair, it seems a common problem. There was this girl, who always wanted to go our friends, but parents had her in blinkers, as a result when she sifted to Bangalore on work, she got into the pub hopping partying crowd. There was another woman widowed at 50, who spent an entire night on beach by herself because she always wanted to but good daughters or daughters-in-law did not do so.
At some point or the other of our life we tend to question ourselves, look wistfully at our dreams and hopes, and these turn into regrets and frustration as we grow older. Our moves it is as if we are walking someone else’s path wearing another’s shoe!! Trying to live up to the Jones expectation.
One reason why we are so hooked is probably because we are not properly mirrored when we were children. We were not honoured as individuals in our right, with a will and purpose of our won that would be determined by our own unfolding. As a result we tend to look outside for support, approval and acceptance.
This seed that has gives us the ability to shine in our own worth with our own soul focus is within us, but not nurtured. Fortunately it stays latent until the right environment emerges. This does not call for age criteria. At the end of the day, life is not about finding ourselves it is about creating ourselves. Interestingly we get as many chances as we want, in whatever process we choose we may feel worse before we feel better, but we can ultimately find out how to live our lives for ourselves and how to make ourselves happy.
“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.”
― Masaru Emoto, Secret Life of Water