All this while I had my daughters as an excuse for my falling short of my own expectations. Now that both have left home, I sense the imbalance me. There is this great urge to be best in something. But the story I have been telling myself is that I am not good enough so no matter what I do, I always seem to fall short.
This made me realize that it has been happening many times, and each times I create the imbalance by over achieving or needing to prove myself, the feeling of I am not good enough is pushing the button; I also notice that I become petty and peevish.
Often I wonder what makes people overachieve, maybe a sense of achievement makes up for feeling of insecurity some people may be carrying a baggage from the past, and may not be looking at life as whole… maybe like in my case it reduces the sense of worthlessness. But there is an essential imbalance somewhere. If over achieving is a word that we’ve heard with respect to our choices and lifestyle it might be worth examining in order to balance our lives for a more rewarding experience.
I realized that if I cannot allow myself to experience and enjoy the present moment, and put pleasure into some distant future, then I needed to check what was driving me. I also needed to check if I was pushing myself beyond the point of exhaustion, or exclusion of important aspects of my life. This where Janet Attwood’s training in passion test came in handy, I put in my passions worked them one by one as projects. But interestingly letting go was the biggest challenge.
It took a near fatal accident for me, to look at those I love and admire and realize my value in life, I began to note what I liked in others, but I realized I tended to notice what I disliked first when I shifted to what I like about people things made a huge difference.
Shifting my focus from a phantom sense of approval or achievement to my personal sense of satisfaction gradually is restoring the balance in my life, between the inner and out worlds.