Last evening my best friend told me something, that my coach Hari Kotian had told me at the forum, “in relationship anger and fight shows up, when the relationship means a lot to you and you want keep the person in your life.” of course my coach did go on to say, we refuse to see what is it that we are bringing into the relationship. Expressing ourselves honestly in any relationship is essential for our well-being and our efficiency.
If we are in a space of being listened to and understood I guess then we are in a relationship. I count myself lucky because I have such people in my space. We reserve our most intimate self to people who along with us co-create it is an open space where people are not judgemental. These relationships which on open communication make a great difference between existential loneliness and a deep sense of belonging. At the end of the day we all want to be heard, understood, acknowledged and only clear communication makes it possible.
I found, the challenge in my space was the process of expressing how I felt and making sure it landed the way I wanted it to. Unfortunately I somehow landed either peevish or complaining I mean utterly graceless!! What I actually needed to do, is communicate after some forethought, I first have to know where I am coming from and ensure i am where i want to come from before bluttering, blindly and running the risk of blundering through the relationship like abull in a china shop. on the other hand I realize that too much of thinking is stifling and I land up disguising the matter so much that the actual communication remains unrendered or is conveyed in a form that creates greater confusion. I dealt with this challenge through morning pages and journaling.
Not that I do not have breakdowns, I do, but I am more capable of handling it since I catch myself.
One technique one of the healers uses and says that it works is sitting in meditation together for a set period of time before speaking, she says this calms and centres people and the speech and response are both truthful. She says if the person with whom the communication is incomplete is not into meditation, then you meditate , practise what you need to say, visualize sitting with the person and lovingly exchanging a few words which acts a precedent to an actual conversation.