Listen for the whispers of your Soul.
Soul quietly flows through every part of you.”
― Nancy Lankston
I was broken, hurt and depressed, maybe I still am. Like an animal that attacks when hurt, I am doing the same. But what is hurting me more with all my understanding and knowing I am not able to stop, take a breath and shift the energy of the outcome.
This is not the first; I have behaved less than ideal upon hearing bad news, or being unfairly criticized or being told something I did not want to hear. This makes sense because my emotions are triggered and I tend to let it take centre stage, inhibiting my ability to pause before I speak.
I have felt compelled to release the tension by expressing myself in some way, may yelling at, or yelling back, at the person who hurt, or rush to speak the words that could comfort a friend in trouble. If only I can master the technique of taking a deep breath before I respond to shock and insults that comes my way.
The irony is I am aware that my instinctive, initial response is not the best for me, or for others involved, with my childish rage I only escalate the negativity in the situation that pulls me in to an undesirable dynamic. There are times when I have reacted defensively or simply thoughtlessly, and then regretted my words or actions. At the end of the day, I am the one who continues to be in pain. But the times that I have managed to take that pause, I have responded with greater dignity, and less negative aftermath, sometimes I have exercised the option to keep quite which in itself is an achievement.
Its the situation that requires immediate response that is tricky, I would need to ground myself before I spur into response.
This feb.22nd I am at a phase of my life, where I make time, pause and reflect where I am heading to. It is a good time to insert a comma now and realign myself to my inner self before my life ends in a full stop. I take a deep breath, feel my feet on the floor, air on my skin and listen for a response to arise within me. If I can translate this to my natural response, that instead of going with the first thing that pops into my head, I may find the potential to move beyond reaction into a more subtle and creative realm of response, where something new can happen.