The Phoenix Rises.

#startanewlife

Phoenix is bird that emerges from its own ashes; I have been burnt thrice now I am threatened for the fourth time. But I am the phoenix and my new song begins.

Ever looked at butterfly emerging out of a cocoon, it looks so painful, the wings that un-crumble if I may use the word, out of the wrapping, the creased wings then seem to lift.  That pain probably is breaking out of the comfort zone. Each level there is one, our skill takes us to different markets, these markets making towns as we traverse, and towns travelled create countries. Only when we get longer travel, these countries reside like artefacts, in our memories.

At 50 I don’t talk of a bold step my life would be full of bold steps, like leaving the secure hometown and known hospital for an unknown town. Marriage another new beginning. The birth of my daughter, but here I had slipped into the comfortable role being a mother and forgetting my own professional training. Then came the next comfort zone, starting my own practise, venturing out each time, with a new idea.

I am now with another set of challenges, so how do I start all over.  I wonder if I am old, and cannot travel, those countries are now artefacts in my head. In retrospect the long winding journey now leading to nothing, it was once beautiful along the way it once enticed us to travel but not forever

I wonder if the time has come when we nothing more to sell – probably we have seen too much – bowed too many gods heard too many people swear by them.  Maybe our judgements and sanctuaries gone making other travellers sit up and notice, probably scare them too.

Maybe it is better to stop before we lose our way; again not all wanderers are lost. Our tracks have disappeared, into the sands; those tracks that we see are those of who lost their souls so we need to return home.

The bazaars are still there, others are buying and selling, goods have changed with time and new merchants grow up to serve new goods that are vended.

I have gone through the cycle of depression, and why me, what is the worst that can happen etc.  I had to put down my non-negotiable. Those commitments that have the first call on my time.  My primary need is flexibility which my clinical practise does not allow me. That calls for moving into a group practise.

For a person who worked solo suddenly getting into the currents of group dynamics is scary. But funnily I realized, when I say my Monday is committed to theatre class, everyone accepts including my patients. It is just about getting out of the box and putting things on a paper.

The excitement has begun life is happening and I am part of it, there is a plan, and my work is planned, all I have to do is work my plan without getting distracted. Thanks https://housing.com/  for bringing me back to action.  The thrill of the unknown, the adrenaline rush of risk taking. The fascination of planning, the challenge of breaking into a new community it is nothing short of transplantation. When one is starting life we are open to transplants but at this stage it is rather a challenge.