The Dipti Naval of Shrimaan Shrimati who learns how to drink to please her spouse, or the Vinod Mehra who looks at his spouse with disdain because she has “old fashioned values” seem so far, these days both the spouses seem to focus on insisting that the spouse adapt to suit them. I do not mean that the self sacrificing Shabhana Azmi of Swarg or the self-destructive Dipti Naval of Shriman Shrimati are right.
The way out may lie in changing the way we relate, than in changing ourselves or our partner… I mean our partner’s behaviour, changing the partner in itself might be a little over board. Often we enter a relationship with preconceived ideas and notions, they may not really work actually trying to change someone actually feels kind of dishonest for who they are, and how do we like it when the roles are reversed? Of course through the course of the relationship I presume we do grow we do change with experiences but even then it would not be drastic. Even then relating to one another would be much needed.
Wanting someone to change is basically saying that we don’t accept the person
It’s as if the entire relationship is make believe, with make believe rules and ideals and the minute of the spouse steps out presto… we have a situation. We quickly get into the fix-it mode. The blame game, the sacrifice the drama begins.
Somewhere we look at relationships as adapting and moulding… but maybe it is all about relating to one another. To relate to one another we really need to find a common ground, it also means making ideas that seem different come together. I really like what is said in the church,”Individually together lets lead this life.”
Actually what I realized over the past three years of inner work, be it Louise Hay, be it the Landmark forum, be it CTRT, or hypnotherapy, the only thing that we can truly change is ourselves. It is interesting how all these four trainings I took, give me one technique to handle the issue. One works on the intellect, one on awareness, one on action, and the other beliefs.
At end of the day it us, and the way we relate to ourselves that is the key to everything.
Parwatisingari's Weblog 
True. Wonder if you have ever listened to Sister Shivani of Brahmakumaris. I think the central message of all spiritual leaders is the same – discover your inner self and be in harmony with it.
Yes I do listen to Shivani, and like you I have concluded that’s what it is all about.