Anvi was part of the forum, as she was dealing with tobacco issues. As the conversations and counselling went out, what appeared in her space was as child she and two of her male cousins had played havoc in a room, they had actually ripped a pillow open. Her grandfather entered the room, saw the mess he hauled the boys whacked them till they could park their backside without wincing. He left Anvi alone.
5yr. Old anvi then figured that her grandfather didn’t even think she was worth whacking. The inner child was formed and she went on taking on masculine traits. Of course it was handled with lot of therapy, family constellation.* etc.
What stayed with me, is a decision and reasoning behind it. she has lived with that agony for the seventeen years of her life….
Anvi was a little girl, but so many times as adults we have done this. attaching meaning to events in our lives. The mind only acknowledges the known. So many times pain is also pleasure because it is known. Coming back, we have this tendency ot assign meaning to our experiences – this could pleasant or distressing. This actually determines the quality of our lives. What we imagine events to mean will colour the way we feel about ourselves, abou the people in our lves and about the world at large.
It’s as if, I have diagnosed Simi as being very self centered, and everything she says, I would reframe and re-intepret until it suited my perception of Simi. Its not a compromise of if life hands you a lemon make lemonade. It is okay this is not to be… then what is to be… does that what is to be excite me enough? And just move along.
If a friends stands up for lunch instead of throwing a tantrum intellectually thank the universe for the “alone time” that has been handed to you and get on with the next task on your todo list.
When we sit up and notice what we have been doing its amazing the kind of stories we have told ourselves and the kind of messages that we have fed ourselves with.
One way of sorting that worked for me is morning pages as soon as I wake up I write a page of without thinking or analysing as the words float in and out lot of times it does not make sense but many a times I see recognizable patterns.
About family constellation it is a three dimensional group process that has the power to shift generations of suffering and unhappiness. This is a work that is founded by Bert Hollinger; many of us unconsciously take on destructive familial patterns of anxiety, depression, anger, guilt loneliness , alcoholism and even illness as a way of belonging in our families. Bonded by a deep love, a child often sacrifices his won best interests in a vain attempt to ease the suffering of a parent or other family members. This allows us to break these patterns so that we gain an insight that can be life changing.