Last evening I dread returning from rehearsal, the messy house and somewhere that I had was responsible for the house not being clean, or the food not being up to my families palate was eating me up, the next thing that I am aware off, is that I am angry and finally feel a victim.
For me passive-aggression was a way of making a point to the person who hurt me. But if I am honest I will accept that the only point it makes to anyone is my inability to articulate my point of view because deep down I know I cannot win. It might make sense to assert myself and tell the person that I am moving on without them and why, rather than leaving a lasting impression cowardness on my part, in a person’s mind by avoiding them. I realize that it is not about the other bullying me; it was about my allowing to be bullied.
My before bed meditation seem to clear lot of things for me. I realized if I spent my time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for me, what they did to my heart then I am allowing them to hurt me for a second time, since I am perpetually in that state the logical conclusion that has become my state of being.
There will always be people willing to hurt, put us down, gossip about us, belittle our accomplishments and judge our soul. This is a fact that we need face. However when we discover the divine within, and we choose to value ourselves the stones cast don’t hurt. Most importantly feeling worthless and feeling alone does not happen.
Each one of us matter—tremendously, our existences affects countless people in countless ways. Because we are essentially a microcosm of the large universe. Our internal experiences affect the whole life more than we could ever imagine. The world simply could not exist as it does now if you, me or any one of us were not in it.
Maybe like me on some level we believe that our life does not matter, maybe we are told that acknowledging self worth is arrogance and arrogance is a sin. In many of patients and hypnotherapy clients I have seen self rejecting or belittling beliefs being developed as a child to keep them safe or to make sense of confusing situations. Going to the point when the feeling of insignificance first took root, addressing it healing the inner child did make a difference in the person’s life
The single belief that we are unimportant limits us and impacts our life in enormous ways. When this perception shifts around our ability to affect our lives and impact the world, we may discover wonderful parts of ourselves that we had forgotten long ago. There may be exciting parts that we never knew existed within us. As we gain awareness of how much our life really does matter new sources of energy can emerge and our sense of connection with world renews.
Here is something that I really like — Never rearrange your life in order to meet Mr. Darcy half way. If he couldn’t see your worth at the moment you met then he won’t two years later. May the halls of Pemberly be filled with his regrets and your life filled with thankfulness because of this revelation.” E
― Shannon L. Alder