Rights of a Victim

2nd october2
image courtesy google

Rights of a Victim
Should sexual abuse be reported?
I shall not give three reasons why they should because the reasons why they need not are also there.
Amnesty claims only 1 in 100 sexual abuses get reported in India… well the statistics worldwide is not much different. so stop projecting the issue as an Indian thing.
Will reporting sexual abuse make a difference? I am not really sure.
Dealing with sexual abuse happens in two planes… one is the healing of the victim. There is a deep sense of violation, there is a sense of being vulnerable and a sense of shamed. “I just want to sleep. A coma would be nice, or amnesia, anything just to get rid of this, these thoughts, whispers in my mind. did he rape my head too?” this was as the query of a rape victim. The pacifiers often say time eases the pain but does it?
I think not, the shame, the fear it does not fade in time, instead the things that the victims remembered were the little details, that seemed to grow stronger to the point where they could feel the predators weight on their chest. What seems to stick the most is a memory of stepping into a dark spaces, and what they experience it and how light took that nightmare and made it really.
Every victim has trust issues, and one of the hardest parts to deal with is the feeling of not being believed or supported…this happens when you report sexual abuse. And if it is abuse within the family, then the rest of the family not believing. People go through so much of pain and hurt and they have to live with scars every day. Knowing that you are being brushed off, or treated as if you made it up, still worse becoming a Media story is infuriating . the same family and friends who were with you through the smiling selfie suddenly cease to know you, no one ever tells the victim, “I am sorry you had to go through all this” or does anyone say, “I am there for you”. Sexual abuse is sexual abuse, but denial is what people would like for they cannot accept the truth.
In practise the standard for what constitutes a rape is set not at the level of a woman’s experience of violation but just above the level of coercion acceptable to men.
Should we treat women as independent agents, responsible for themselves? Of course. But being responsible has nothing to do with being raped. Women don’t get raped because they were drinking or took drugs. Women do not get raped because they were not careful enough; women get raped because someone raped them.
The reporting of abuse, the subsequent investigation, the follow up and the media blare makes the victim relive the trauma over and over again. Until we are able to find a way to support the victim, tell her or him, “I’m sorry you had to go through this pain, I there by you while you fight it” we have no business demanding people to report abuse.
There are far too many silent sufferers of sexual abuse, not because we don’t yearn to reach out, but because they tried to reach out and they have found out no one who cares..
Prevention of rape requires a complete different handling that begins with changing our attitudes, the way bring up our children, the values we inculcate, even the television serials we watch add.
Coming back to rape, it is one of the most terrible crimes on earth and it happens every few minutes. The problem with the groups who deal with rape is that they are busy trying to educate women about how to defend themselves and what really needs to be done teaching men not to rape… this is not about crime and punishment. Go to the source and start there.
Maybe we could start, with, precedent.. The title president stays with the person even if they served only term. The same should go for rapist.
As for my rights, I would like to reserve the right to report the abuse until I am in a mental framework of dealing with it.
I’m writing this blog post to support Amnesty International’s#KnowYourRights campaign at BlogAdda. You can also contribute to the cause by donating or spreading the word.”

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