Every relationship is different, but there are some essentials that form the foundation for every single one of them. They are love, trust, commitment and promises. Every couple makes some promises to each other and these are not wedding vows, these promises are unique to every couple. When BlogAdda invited us to share this I decided not to write, since I am kind of sceptic about kasams and rasams.
“Hi doc” said shalan,
“hi sweetheart, what’s up” I asked,” you tell me doc, what’s the BlogAdda prompt for the week-end”
“Well books and titles I replied.”
“Any interesting campaign?”
“Naa! Just some mushy one for woman’s day.”
“Oh! Are you writing?”
“About Kasams? You must be joking. After working hard to remove unwanted vows from my space I’ll be damned if I wriggle into new ones, knowing that one it won’t be heard, and if heard it will be ridiculed.”
“Will you do something for me?” shalan asked, “Sure sweetheart, anything other than reducing the dose of pethadine.” Shalan smiled at my pathetic joke, everyone knew with 40% burns the pethadine derivative helped to cope.
“Well” she started, “I know I do not have time, sujatha in the next bed had 25% burns and she left, mine is 40%. An interesting life that I have had, a promise of companionship of building values and life together all seem such farce. I have to thank Srijeeth, for ,.if he was around to hear my words, my silence would not flow into the canvas to create the gallery that I have created.
Words would stay undocumented, carried away by the wind, I am living in hell from day to the next. My voice smothered, I talk to the walls the squirrel on the parapet, the crow that eats the food I cook, is the only thanks I get, the laundry, the works, it is mundane, it’s boring I could do it all, but what kills me is the poverty, that inflicts me, the worst one of it all the poverty called loneliness/ where would I go if I escape I wonder I feel so utterly powerless and feeling imprisons me in a prison that I entered of my own free will. I locked the door and I threw the key away,”
“Hush baby” I intervened trying to calm her, she pushed my hand away, took a deep breathe and said, “let me continue doc when I can. I the first place I should not have believed in promises. The world is full of them, the promises of riches, the eternal salvation, of infinite love. There are people who promise anything, and other who accept whatever ensures better days ahead, I suspect that is what I did. Those who make promises and do not keep them end up powerless and frustrated exactly the same happens to those who believe those promises.”
“Its sad, to love somebody who does not deserve it, nor cares for it because they are all you have, because any attention is better than no attention. For the same reason, it is sometimes to satisfying to cut myself and bleed. On those gray days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon, and nothings has happened and nothing is going to happen I am washing a glass in the sink and it breaks accidently, it punctures my skin. Then there is shocking read, the brightest thing of the day, finally a sense of warmth so vibrant it buzzes, it is actually my blood. That’s okay because at least I know I am alive.”
“Doc I have put it all on paper, I want him to share this with our children, on the day I am gone. I know it a bad thing to break a promise, but I think now that the it is a worse thing to let a promise break you, that’s what I did. This is the last kasam, and I hope he honours it.”
I looked at Shalan, every lineament of the girls wasted body was a testament to her inner turmoil. I can only imagine what kind of pain she must have been to destroy herself the way she did, I know there is something ironic in my compassion for the girl, but I can’t help feeling that this utter mortification of the flesh is worse than anything that I myself have done.