Arguments the dictionary defines as,
- A reason given as proof or rebuttal.
- It could be a disclosure intended to persuade.
- It could be a coherent series of statements leading from a premise to a conclusion.
It was quite an eye-opener for me here I was using a word without real clarity of what it meant.
But when I do ponder over it, it occurs arguments are ways to understand reason, probably if we can well formulate the argument for something, we could probably have the reason for our belief and acts. To reframe it, understanding an argument is about better reasoning to endorse our beliefs.
Understanding an argument also allows us to pre-empt mistakes.
Yet we use arguments in only one of its manifestation that is lead from a premise to a conclusion.
Particularly if these arguments are triggered by anger then it might be a good idea to step back from anger. I have argued before that anger is not an enemy but a tough task master, I still stand by it.
Having said that lets trace this journey from a premise to a conclusion. There could be an emotional trigger somewhere, and the trigger could have little to do with the present situation, all the same it could dig up an old wound.
Somewhere the emotion begins take on a life of its own, and we lose control the argument then becomes irrelevant or even inappropriate. The feeling of losing control is totally overwhelming. The best possible thing we could do in the situation is to step back and take a deep breath, which sounds and easy and do-able but experience has taught me, that it is mission impossible…(I have a secret cache of broken crockery which I further break.)
When emotion begins to control me, I do not know how to step back, so I depend on EFT or mudra to help me. It helps me step back and look honestly into what caused such an overwhelming feeling in me, and what are the best choices that I have to deal with root cause.
I sometimes call up my mentor from Landmark who is an independent life coach today Mr.Venugopal.D. To help me sort the issue, of course he brings me back to the breathing, but still there are relevant questions that he walks me through.
I have noticed within myself that I tend to get overwhelmed, or react irrationally when my body dehydrates, that is I am drinking less water, sometimes all I need to do is to take a walk in the park, or read a Barbara cart land, that is essentially not take myself or life too seriously.
There was a phase in my life when I realized, “OH1 the poor me “drama was so addicting, that I would re-tell every story to ensure that I stayed the poor victim. I actually began to wonder if there was an hormone addiction to the metabolism, or hormonal patterns created by the body when we are angry… once such questions began to emerge I figured the need to sit back and look at the actual cause, and resolving that required patience, and understanding.
I had to argue before myself…that is reason before me that being clear about my feelings, and intentions and communicating them made an healthier option, also we tend to take out frustrations out on people who are closest to us, which is not only abusing them but also detrimental to the relationship.
By the way when I do lose it, which unfortunately is more often than not, I sit back and write out… until I come down to the point… where either there is a pay off or a core issue. Then I do a forgiveness ritual for myself.