Bette Midler says the worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.
When we come to success we firmly believe those things, it is lonely at the top, and success is climbing higher, the entire imagery is about steps, climbing the ladder still worse a pinnacle. Competitions and elimination only reinforce the belief.
There was a time in life when I had this vision of holding my breath, sacrificing rest and trudging uphill until I reached where I do not know… there was the imagery of race, and horse wearing blinkers, so that he reaches the goal post, but hello how do I recognize the goal post.
I remember being told, that I should appear the exam, and see what marks I get, then I would have to make efforts in increasing it by 10% it sounded like some kind of a arithmetic progression. Somewhere along the line, I wonder if that is the issue, I mean the fear climbing high, a fear that one might suffer from vertigo. And if you think vertigo is fear of falling, well, it is a little different, it is the voice of emptiness below us, which tempts and lures us, it is thdesire to fall against which terrified we defend ourselves… that persistent wisdom that is knocked into us, the higher go you climb the greater is your fall.
Maybe it is quite contridictatory on one hand you are told to focus and succeed, and then you are cautioned, the higher you climb the greater is your fall…it is lonely there and god knows what.
The seven habits of successful people, steps to success etc, etc. we seem to aiming at success, converting it into a target without really reckoning what it is, the more target like it becomes probably higher are our chances of missing it.
This week when I joined the hunt for happiness group it came bang on, success was a lot like happiness, one could not pursue it… it had to happen. Though unlike happiness which has to recognized, success could be the unintended side effect of personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself. Like happiness success must happen, we have to let it happen without really manipulating for it. maybe listening to our conscience doing what it commands with the best of your knowledge with all sincerity, then we might achieve what is by and large called as success.
My daughter told me something very beautiful, success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get. Like Winston Churchill, put it success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts…
Over the years of practising dentistry and hypnotherapy, I realize that the greatest issue is not success, popularity or power, but what most of are dealing with is self-rejection. With success, popularity and power we look for the external clutches to satiate, or present great temptation, again their seductive quality is from the shield the self-rejection. When we have come to believe those voices that call us worthless, and unlovable with tangible proofs, then success (obviously financial implication) popularity and power become attractive solutions. As soon as someone differs from us, or criticizes us, we feel rejected, or abandoned, and we actually pat ourselves on the back, thinking, “I told you and this only goes to prove that I am a nobody, and I am really worthless.”
I like to think of it is the dark side, the side that negates our sacred self, for it tells us, that we deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten rejected and abandoned, it stops us from experiencing our potential.