Trespassers Will Be prosecuted.

With these wonderful workshops that are popping up on relationship building, money healing, leadership building etc. Etc. (BTW I do make some money with money healing.) I am launching a “social diva training”  I know it is gender biased I do not know what the male equivalent for diva is, somehow “hone your social dude skills for social and spiritual uplifting” is so down casting  hope the Queen will not say, “off with her head,” for using such terrible language.

Anyway coming to this business idea, the course would have

• How to be a valued returning guest at a restaurant.
• How to conduct yourself in a tourist destination.
• Interacting with sick and elderly for spiritual uplifting.

Have I covered base?

If you think it is my recent observation at Aunt Ursula is the trigger for this idiotic money spinner, well it is a trifle more than that.

I remember when Uncle Andrew was recovering from his angioplasty, it was an uphill task for Aunt Valerie, care giving Uncle on one end and the numerous visitors, coffee, tea and whatever for the visitors. Finally she just made some tea and kept it in the flask.

Right now Uncle Andrew is on his road to recovery from a bad lung infection. Dr.Shastri of Manipal hospital who is his physician has just prescribed,

“Silvere, undu aapujji, ir onte nadaipudu” that is Mr. Silva, you should walk. So when Cousin Jacinta or Jassi as we call gets him to walk, in walks the concerned visitor,

“oh! Silvere, nadaipera…?” obviously if he is standing on his legs, he is going to walk, this gets followed by ,”att ir rest geppodu, mande thirundu ijjiyanda” never mind Dr.Shastri’s MBBS and MD degree never mind his 30yrs of clinical practise, our visitor knows better that uncle Andrew should take rest, else he would be dizzy.

This probably comes from the place of Omnipotency granted by the adage “athiti devo bhava” my guess I could be wrong.

Along comes Mr.Next Visitor with his worldly aware wife, “Silvere, ir badav aatheru” is the observation on Uncle Andrew’s loss of weight the referral point of course is Uncle Andrew’s rather full build in his forties and fifties.  She is very generous with inputs and suggests that Uncle Andrew should be given nutritious food.

I can see Soni Hebbar from the Manipal Hospital Dietics and Nutrition department snorting at the implication that the meal she designed for a diabetic Uncle Andrew is not nutritious, and even if it were it is as if Jacinta is not letting Uncle Andrew eat it!!

Jacinta over the years has learnt to let people trip instead of ticking them off. So when the meal arrives she hands it to the visitor and requests them to feed. After the ordeal our friends have stopped recommending nutritious food.

That way I appreciate the daughter of a terminal patient. She went to Soni Hebbar, told her that the hospital food was okay, but could she oblige her father if he had a craving. They worked out a possible menu list and as long as her father was alive she ensured that things went the way he wanted.

I can perfectly understand why Aunt Maggie put her Brit foot down and said “No Visitors please.”

It’s not just food, with senior citizens and particularly in the Parashurama Kshetra with half the sons and daughters in uncle Sam’s land there is this procedure of sharing the medical reports initially it was fax it, then it advanced to mail it now we whatsapp it. The tadipaar progeny’s physician will deliver a line of treatment based on the finding of the doctor in India, so will his or her friend practising in California and the friend in New York will give his input. This treatment plan procedure will be mailed back, with Dr.Baikaadi in New York, or Dr.Kukkilaya in Memphis’s opinion,”doctors in India are not aggressively proactive.”

I really admire the physicians dispensing geriatric care for remaining sane.  I really am looking forward for that visitors badge having the following notifications.

• You are to stick to visiting hours.
• If you interfere with physicians work you will be charged with murder.
• If you interfere with dietician you will be sued for malicious intent.

The consent form would include the line, that therapeutic suggestion of other physicians will be entertained only after they have physically examined the patient in the real world.

Sometimes I wonder if that spiritual accountant upstairs, St.Peter or Chitragupta must be having a tough time, on deciding if he should give the visitor brownie points for the concern or mark them down for harassing the care giver.