Actually Maya and Shubhith love each other quite a bit, unfortunately right now they are at a point of break-up.
The two of them really don’t speak the same language. One is very inferential in thought and speech while the other is literal in thought and speech. Moreover, like all of us they are carrying the ‘already always listening’ baggage. Oh! Didn’t you know that you were carrying it, here’s how it looks, let peek into my friend Madhuri Mathur’s house.
‘Madhavi…come here a moment’
Madhavi rushed putting aside what she was doing and her husband of 30yrs asked her, ‘what have you put in the khichdi”
Madhavi slumped, and the voice in her head told her, ‘here goes, Kaarat-karkat-ambut-theekat…take your pick go to Muscat”
The next sentence was ‘this is really good I have not eaten such good khichdi in ages’
Madhavi’s brain sends a red alert. “In 30yrs this guy has not complimented me, and this day when in my opinion the khichdi has turned well he says it’s good. Why?” Her mind immediately offered her options
- He was being sarcastic.
- He is having an affair
- He wants to throw some other bomb.
Not once did she trust all that self work she was doing. She had just released him from being a puppet in her space… a puppet who found fault with her.
It could be Madhavi and her husband… Maya and Shubith or any couple for that matter, we goof up the communication.
We are not willing to communicate and communicate includes both speaking and listening. When there is no communication, there is no respect. No respect in a relationship would mean no caring, and no caring would mean no understanding, no understanding would mean no compassion lack of compassion leads to lack of empathy which is turn eliminates kindness. No kindness would mean no forgiveness no forgiveness would lead to lack of honesty, lack of honesty is essentially lack of love and lack of love is lack of happiness and that means no peace. This would ultimately bring in conflicts. So the best way to set a relationship right is put forth great communication channels.
Great communication channels is not about altering the other’s speech or listening but understanding how the person listens and responds.
Too often we under estimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear and an honest compliment or smallest act of caring, but realization that she had released her husband from being a constant critic turned round Madhavi’s life. Understanding that Shubith was a literal listener helped Maya and Shubith forge a better base for their relationship.
Unfortunately so many words get lost. They leave the mouth and lose their courage; they wander aimlessly until they are swept in the gutter like a dead leaf. Every monsoon, you can hear the chorus before it joins the great ocean of deafen silence… the words are Iamabeautifulgirlyouareawonderfulpersonpleasedon’tgoIbelieveI’mnotlovableIthinkI’mfunnyforgivemeIloveyouyour”—