checklist for spouse hunting.

Love marriage or arranged that’s the debate.

This entire discussion is based on the presumptionn that “Love marriage”is a situation where the male and female participants have chosen to get married to each other with or without parental consent. The couples are familiar with each other and probably share a common platform somewhere.

While arranged marriage would be a situation where the couple entire into the marriage as strangers, for their parents have brought them together after careful consideration of

  • Aesthetic compatibility
  • Family compatibility
  • Complimenting career
  • Socio-economic fabric

So on so forth.

The serial on Sony goes that divorce in the earlier scenario is more… that’s for the discussion tomorrow, for today let’s start, at the midpoint.

We tend to forget is marriage is about

courtship wedding day marriage.

Interestingly what would be success in terms of a marriage?

Maybe each one of us needs to enquire into the conversation of what is success in the context of marriage. More important what is marriage?

The dictionary defines it as

  • The state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by the law.
  • An act of marrying or the rite by the married status is effected
  • An intimate or close union.

As to what love was all about. Coming to think of it—this is a feeling topic. And careful analysis is that love and physical attraction seem to work on contradicting each other.

If physical attraction which we call as love is magnetism between opposites love is magnetism between similar.  When we say we are in love with someone, we are really in love with the forgotten or disowned pieces of ourselves.

Love once gained is never lost, (I still say thank you god for my first love) the soul in search of itself finds a soul mate—then you are eternally married to that person. This may be a little narcissistic.

Rest of this is from a conversation in Sulekhadom in 2009

“Haa! I have challenged your concept of love right? Believe me it is not euphemism for either romance or sex.

But marriage is a package, with the good, bad and ugly. Look at our marriage vows, the first six steps about sharing. With the seventh step we become friends.

Physical attraction or sexual attraction can exist within or independent of love. When we find ourselves in another it becomes an art of self acceptance. It cannot be possessed; reclaimed or comprehended it is timeless.

Physical attraction at times acts like a bait inviting us to heal ourselves, it makes it so powerful because the soul seeks wholeness each one of us desire to touch and to be touched. The prohibition on sexual magnetism can distort its profound purpose. These suppressed instinct sequestered can range within and express itself inappropriately.

It can even turn to hate and violence.

This bit of sharing elicited interesting inputs.

I like to think of it as a bit of yin and yang and something more – hey, I am trying not to be clever or sound like a monk 🙂

in each person, there is a bit of the similar, the opposite and the unique.

We deal with the similar side when we need emotional/economic/intellectual stability.

We deal with the opposite side when we discard all kinds of stuff passed through the centuries (love once gained is never lost) and enjoy each other with sex/squabble/probing/understanding.

We deal with the unique side to know ourselves more and to differentiate the grain from the chaff . We also treasure that side because we know we can lose it if we take it for granted. Even love should not be taken for granted. It is a baby, too.

Does this make sense? Or should I change my black-white-grey philosophy? :-))) “” claimed Argon.

“Love or physical attraction is the same wavelength of two individuals at the same time, if one minute we are able to cross over the wavelength, then void only. But your article is right in its perspective in general. Even the wavelength perfectly picked by the two antennae of two individuals concerned, not necessarily be a sustained one, since sustainability is the problem between two even in marriages. Rather proximity is the disaster factor to certain extent. Now question comes whether two, who have not seen each other [male and female] can be soul mates— yes possible, but how long is a question answerable by again the individual concerned. Well sorry I am haranguing. –uttam Narayan

“”Sometimes, I think we confuse the physical urge, with the emotional need. Then I give up musing, because it is beyond my understanding. 🙂 “I replied.

Yes, physical attraction can be there in the absence of love too. Sometimes, it is true with women. But mostly, the two are linked (in the case of women, I mean).
It reminds me of Tess of D’Iberville, where the heroine in hardy’s book loves a man, but gets physically attracted to the villain. I think the one you get physically attracted to should be the husband.—vaayadi

Don’t know vaayadi, (talkative woman)
after a while physical attraction just fades, out then what? — Me

“I guess it gets replaced by sex and that takes a long time to fade. So by then they get too old and inter dependent on each other…hhehe/” – vaayadi

Vaayadi  here has hit another dicey question, fidelity, being romantically; physically in love with you legal male partner is assumed or taken for granted in the case of women.

At the end of the day whether your marriage is a success or not depends on YOU-YOUR CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE-YOUR CONCEPT OF SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE!!

more tomorrow.


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