i have written of the mundane setting a rot into the marriage, immaterial of whether it is love or arranged, but a more important question that arises, particularly in a traditional parental supervised marriage is the presence or entrance of the other woman.
But I wonder if the more pertinent reaction would be “other woman you got be kidding” — on second thoughts if take poetic license to personify the inanimate then the question still remains who is the other woman?
When Lavanya chose her partner shaunak it created a furore in the family a 12thdrop out who did a diploma engineering, and Lavanya herself a MPhil in English, it was a no,no to her academician parents who with their PhD’s and post doctoral researches headed various department. But Lavi was very clear; she wanted a man who could
- Give her material comfort
- Give her respect and not treat her like a brainless git.
To her Shaunak was the man. True enough until 3yrs. Ago he took an informatics company the other day, Lavi says the situation was so bad that she SMSed her spouse the following message lying next to him in bed “hi, I’m your wife I’m sitting next to you and would like to talk to you”
Everywhere this seems to be scene. I refuse to go out with my husband since he comes with his mobile and someone or the other decides to call. In my bad behaviour days I carry a book even if he gets a single phone call, I put my head into my book and pretend he is not there. After a year’s that translates to 2 ½ outings the message has seeped in.
Still the entire day if any husband decides to stay at home with the family is hogged by TV, internet, computer games, or mobiles.
So where is the time for another human being let alone demands of a mistress.
Page 3 Gayatri.jayaraman, wrote 4 columns in Times Life dissecting the suchitra-shekhar-Queenie triangle, calling it the other side.
It read like a gossip column. I wondered who Queenie Dhody was for a minute, tried to read Suchitra Krishnamoorti’s blog, but it was all a Laundromat for manifested celebrity. (Rajiv Awasthi of soul curry is a celebrity in the true sense of the word)
Though I’m trying to figure out what she was trying to say in that article it did get me thinking.
Who is the other woman? What is fidelity in a marriage?
Are they talking about sexual loyalty? Isn’t that transient? Most men/women once married tend to get trapped in mundanity of grocery list and kids school, conversations do not seem transcend beyond these.
Anu is divorced, she is running a successful jewellery shop, she put it up with a family friend Ajith –(he comes from a family of jewellery shop) their working partnership has been successful that they have ventured into jewellery designing school and real estate. They share the same interests, jewellery, real estate, and ashtavakra samhiti conversions revolve round it, Ajith’s wife is not able to converse on these lines, she does feel left out, and some times superfluous in the equation of relations, does this make Anu the other woman, or looking at it holistically does it make Aparna (the wife) the other woman?
In the case of Sridhar who is an painter, with teenage children, his wife is unable to appreciate his art, she enjoys draping up in her silks for his book release or exhibition but she is not able to contribute creatively for that he talks on telephone for hours to sarangi another artist, until sarangi’s partner objected he was upset that Sridhar was sapping Sarangi’s creative energy to him that was infidelity!
I know of spouses who resent their partners friends of the same sex because they resent the bonding.
So how what is infidelity? Who is the other woman? The mother, sister, daughter or the friend. Maybe we need to figure who is the woman first.
Poet Tennyson call’s the little princess as the queen’s rival.