My story is slowly killing me.

xammi tarot reader

My story – dying slowly

In the burns ward the more terminally ill ones would be heavily medicated. They would be in and out of lucidity voicing their inner truest stories. In absolute honesty they would spew out their frustration, anger, and resentment about their jobs, their immediate family  sometimes it is very painful for the immediate family to continue care giving. This is actually the story that they have built around themselves over the years.

We hear of great healthcare personals who suddenly fall ill, well that is the story they tell themselves, and put their own health on the back burner.

Death creeps in slowly, due to anger,frustration collected by running from one achievement to the other that are visible and on display, each subsequent achievement superseding the other. Forgetting other things in life.

If we were to write our life story, giving ourselves points from 0-5 on different areas of our lives like family, healthcare, fun, career, finance, physical, spiritual it would be very interesting what our honest stories are.

At our workshop which is a 12 weeks recovery group, most stories seem to focus on failures, and pin a cause for the failure

  • Addiction to phone call—translates not listening to one’s inner self
  • Lack of trust

these stories give rise to the fundamental theme that drives the story

  • It is a competitive cut throat world
  • If I won’t do it someone else will and he/she will get ahead of me in life.
  • At we have a roof on our heads and food to fill our stomach.
  • I don’t get family time during the week.
  • These facts of life and I should face them
  • I should be grateful for what I have.

I should do this even if it kills me is the theme great theme. At the Landmark Education forum our coaches kept telling us, we don’t change things, because changing is fixing, we transform things and transformation requires a new story.

Like there was this participant who could not exercise either in the morning or in the evening because it challenged his time space.  He did have a pocket where he could exercise in the afternoon,it appears irresponsible  to do so in the work culture. At the end of the day his story was oh! I am working so much that I don’t time to exercise, on one hand it frustrates him, at the same time he feels extremely good about himself for being the victim of the work place culture, his story allows being oppressed by a system.

On a week day I cannot eat with my family because we are all busy. Well in India we slightly better off, as we still have culture of family dinner together.

What we need here is to rewrite the story at the focus. As long as long being victims is the focus we are dying slowly.

“When you understand, that what you’re telling is just a story. It isn’t happening anymore. When you realize the story you’re telling is just words, when you can just crumble up and throw your past in the trashcan, then we’ll figure out who you’re going to be.”
― Chuck PalahniukInvisible Monsters








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