Departing?

xammi-helping hand“Planning is helpful. If you don’t know what you want, you’ll seldom get it. But, no matter how well you plan, you will fare better if you expect the unexpected. The unexpected, by nature, comes unseen, unthought, unenvisioned. All you can do is plan to go unplanned, prepare to be unprepared, make going with the flow part of your agenda, for the most successful among us envision, plan, and prepare, but cast all aside as needed, while those who are unable to go with the flow often suffer, if they survive.”

― David W. JonesMoses and Mickey Mouse: How to Find Holy Ground in the Magic Kingdom and Other Unusual Places

How true, I had my agenda set, undergrad, marriage work in a hospital then 2 kids, of course my planning did not take me outside Karnataka, my imagination stretched maximum upto Madras. Even Bombay seemed a distant destination.

I landed in Goa, I discovered I had packed the wrong bag for my journey.  But somewhere along the lines I learnt, to have fun, and not take myself or anything that happens too seriously.

Another realization that came to me, that I had been to schooled to laugh to be open to people and adventures was against the tenets of life. Yet my daughters adored and always welcomed my best friend because she has them laughing. There are times when they have quietly considered calling my cousins Malathi or Ahalya just they have heard me laugh..

Where did I lose that laughter? I realized that I had become too attached to the outcome. Being less attached to outcome let me raise my energy levels, expand my perspective and lightened my load.

I have dedicated this week for “departing.”

The starting point is realizing that letting go is the dramatic moment we build sometime in the future but it is happening now in the present moment. And it is not singular but ongoing.  I realized that unless let go, unless I forgave myself and unless I forgive the situation realizing that it is over I cannot move forwards.

The departing and letting go could work on different levels. I just visited my cousins a fortnight go we grew up  so much so we knew exactly what each one of us was thinking and we all behaved in the exact same manner never mind four of us were boys.  But over the years the bonding is fraying and tensions have set it.

I realized somewhere during the conversation, that we had moved on, our attitudes and thinking  altering with the experiences of  our lives but we still wanted to experience our relationship as we did when we were sixteen year olds. We were not willing to let that go and move on to adult version of the same.  It has become necessary to let this go, simply for the reason that it is too heavy. As I let my sixteen year old self depart from the weights of this relationship from my ankle, my current self is open to the bonding and relationship with my cousins there is definitely more joy around.  Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are part of our history but not part of our destiny.

“Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.”
― Nicole SobonProgram 13

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