Let parents be Parents

I was musing over this input.

Actually my parenting beliefs are very unconventional; my sister-in-law says I am a failure as a mother because I have not insisted that my daughters go to four and twenty classes that every true Indian child attends. My daughters I am proud to say are extremely mature beautiful girls very talented and very clear in what they want.

This is what they told me, when I felt very much a failure after what my sister-in-law said, ”Amma, we are your daughters and not, her so we decided whether you are a failure or a success, and we  have no secrets from you, we can tell you anything and everything, you give us so much space and sense of security and that for us is the most important thing . whenever we do something, we know Baba and You will be there for us, even if we fail without judging us.”

I think I have earned my right to deliver an opinion. This is something that even after walking 50yrs on this earth I cannot tell my mother.

My  Kushi ke pal with my daughters, was when an year ago when my mother bought a Smartphone, it was great to see my daughters on either side of my mother/ and showing her how to use the mobile, explaining what an app was and which were the apps relevant to her.  They then wrote it out for her in her dairy just in case she had a problem.

About Khuljayaye Bacchpan everyone has their own style of parenting, and each style of parenting has its own good and bad.

The best way to bond with kids is to participate and learn about their world, true indeed. But it is secondary/ to guiding the child to a world that is real and out there. many parenting experts believe that bonding is enough for a happy and secure childhood. Not really there are times when the child is unsure; there the parent’s role is to guide the child.  We may choose to let the child commit a mistake but then we need to be around to pick the pieces and help the child move on.

Believe me, we were brought up with the golden rule “because I say so” yes it had great pit falls, but we had our cushions called grandmothers, I taught my grandmother to make ice-cream and bake cakes, but she taught me how to live, more importantly she taught me how to bring up my children.

At our family home my aunt Janaki was the discipline in charge she would only call out “makkale” that child, or more precisely “who is there” that meant any of us be it my older cousin, me, my younger cousin or my brother had to go and do whatever it was that had to be done, our gender didn’t matter who ever was around changed bulbs or did the dishes.

This whole thing about daughter teaching you to click a selfie and teaching the son to make grocery list so reeks of sexist leanings. Just a genderless,”kiddo execute this action ” should suffice.

Kushi ke pal between my kids and me are many, and Khuljyaye Bachpan about being unfettered and fearless is fine, but face it how many actually do it. My own childhood was unfettered and I was quite fearless and still am, I have swum through rivers, jumped into wells and climbed trees. I would let my daughters do the same but they show no inclination. I am fine with it. They are more comfortable with other things.

I baked my first cake as sneak job with my brother assisting me, and my mother was out, my daughter and nephew did something parallel. Parenting just happens, it is hands on like my grandmother told me, these are the parenting blunders we, made learn from them so that you can make new mistakes.

Children are people, and they should have to reach to learn about things, to understand things, just as adults have to reach if they want to grow in mental stature. Life is composed of lights and shadows, and we would be untruthful, insincere, and saccharine if we tried to pretend there were no shadows. Most things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there are evil things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him from reality. The important thing is to teach a child that good can always triumph over evil.”

I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway… let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves

Adults constantly raise the bar on smart children, precisely because they’re able to handle it. The children get overwhelmed by the tasks in front of them and gradually lose the sort of openness and sense of accomplishment they innately have. When they’re treated like that, children start to crawl inside a shell and keep everything inside. It takes a lot of time and effort to get them to open up again. Kids’ hearts are malleable, but once they gel it’s hard to get them back the way they were.”

I really like this quote, We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.”
― Franklin D. RooseveltGreat Speeches


4 Replies to “Let parents be Parents”

  1. I am a product of the genderless parenting technique. Like you, both my bro and I were taught and expected to do what needed to be done. I rarely wait around for people to give me a hand with luggage or then change bulbs or taps.

    On the flip side, I have had to learn to appreciate chivalry. 🙂

    1. ditto, I have learnt to appreciate chilvalry but before that I had to learn to accept chivalry. Like my best friend says Hamalgiri karne se hum koyi mahan nahi banenge.

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