I was reading this article commandments to 21st century father-in-law from a 21st century daughter-in-law. I hope I have brought my daughters up with more humane value. Fortunately my daughters have their relationship goal given by sister-in-law and my mother.
Yes patriarchy can be suffocating.
A lot depends on why do we get married. When my friend got married, the priest during the event said this which I found was very apt,
”I am you and you are me in love. I am I and you are you in thought, individually together lets live this life.”
The rituals begin with the groom asking the wife, will you be my partner in the journey of life, it includes achieving dreams, responsibilities to parents and children and any other if they arise, ups and downs of life, I like to say through thick and thin and sick and sin. Each
Marriage is in a way a legal contract, it is also building and nurturing a relationship. I’m more rebellious, “sadah haq ithe rak” types my brother-in-law’s wife Poornima is definitely smarter, I wish she would take You tube lessons on how to handle relationships. She does not fight or raise her voice to get her point, nor is she a doormat for people to step on. she quietly lived by her rules. today she is the pillar of the family. The journey begins with you taking a stand for yourself, what is the quality of life you aspire for. What is the price you are willing to pay for it.
A colleague got married at the age of 57, she has not changed her documents but she changed her profile name everywhere to Jayanthi Agarwal. From Dr.Jayanthi Joshi she on her own changed it to Agarwal, this is just an indication that I am willing to be part of the family. Being part of a family means so many more people to care for you.
Oh! by the way when the daughter-in-law comes into the family, she is the representation of abundance, because when two families merge growth occurs
When there is frank oppression then don’t take it, but attack is not the best form of defense hopefully you don’t look at marriage like a war-zone or akkada.
When we were growing up it was a joint family, my mother being the most educated she was then just a BSc, honours in maths(today she is a retired teacher trainer) she was in charge of supervising all our homework and mind you 6 kids each more rebellious than the other. My aunt was an excellent organizer so she handled the home management and eldest aunt was very good in people management so she handled the farm hands. One way of looking at it was aunt Janki was made to do house work, but no she did it and if she asked us to do something we just took directions from her.
During his last days my uncle would not let his daughter-in-law out of his sight, she had a tough time, being a charted accountant eventually she started working from home. Now her father has Alzheimer’s so my cousin who works from home is his caregiver. That is partnership.