Love marriage vs. Arranged marriage.

My friends daughter has completed graduation, and on the last lap of her postgraduate. The traditional question of find a match for her come up.

“Let her take her own risk” was my friends attitude, but the girl said “Ma and Pa please find someone for me.” After that despite deciding that I will let my daughter find her own partner, somewhere I catch myself, placing eligible boys next to my daughter seeing how the pairing looks, somewhere there is also this observation how does he gel with us and my daughter!!! This reminded me of Shobha De’s book spouse.

It was our generation that made find your own spouse acceptable since so many of us did. Most of us have remained married.

Even those days i found this parental quest for espouse their kid sounded like a shopping list. there was this cousin who was in the US the slime ball did not have the courage to tell his mother he was already married, here the mother was spouse-hunting for him with height, career, age, parental background criteria for him. For eight years she was on this quest, by which time this guy was married and had a four-year old kid.

Coming back to the issue, when I heard the guys telling their mothers, that this is what they were looking for in their spouse it looked like and sounded like an HR dept. placing a requirement for a low-level executive Today’s I want list in the marriage market sounds like a customized invoice.

With the new single kid scenario, it’s the girls who call the shot.

What makes an arranged marriage a success is that the divorce projects as parental failure. So parents both sides put in that extra effort to see that things work.

Since the process of getting to know the guy as a person is a process that begins with getting to know his family, and their interpersonal relationship the equation grows into place so even with a lesser degree of maturity and interpersonal skills the odds of surviving are higher.

The lack of growing up in a bigger family has taken away the skill of negotiation and relationship balancing.

In the scenario of parents choosing the spouse for the child, the family background, financial background of the family, horoscope are all checked. Our days hints of the general family  health was also considered. But the more important issues like financial vision, aesthetic understanding are all swept aside.

If analyzed properly Indian wedding is very clear that a wedding is a public declaration  of a seven point contract between two individuals and an undertaking of the groom to the bride’s father.

At the end of the day to quote Andre Maurois A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.

More on the debate

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