Listening to a patient I realized how much we tend to live playing mind games and going on power trips disengagement might be useful to come out of this, yet disengagement is becomes an escape route if we fail to face and resolve.
When I say disengagement I mean to separate from someone or something. We stop being involved with a person or group, stop participating to move so that one no longer fits into the other.
Very often our choices are based on the safety of cynicism that tends to make us live a life that is not fully lived. Cynicism is fear… It is worse it is active disengagement. Maybe because we are raised to believe that honesty will not get us what we want. Sometimes we are made to believe honesty transgresses the boundaries of etiquette. We have learnt is to play games or go on power trips in the agenda of our ego. We are raised right—we talk about people behind their backs and call it manners. Many times in life I’ve regretted the things I have said without thinking. But I never regret things I said nearly as much as the words I left unspoken.
We are so into survival and mind games, we like the black widow, who dispatched a lover two. A young spider seeking her wisdom asked her, “did you keep his harmful secret under the threat of danger, or did you spin a web so confusing that he did not know if you were friend or foe? Did you release him from the web and your presence or will you give another the venom in which to finish him.” The black widow was quiet and then said, all of the above. We are stuck in this outmoded and inefficient style of communication which destructive and we play the same game it pushes us into confusion and conflict.
At the Landmark forum and even when we did choice theory and reality therapy one thing that kept popping up was, be it relationships or situations in our lives we need to look within for both the source of difficulties and the solution. Reacting to the situation by getting upset will only entrench us more deeply in undesirable relationships. Here disengaging becomes a necessity, for need to be still to see what got hooked into the mess in the first place. There would be lot of unresolved conversation and unprocessed emotion, which we can release into a stillness created by meditation. The more we are able to this the less we are bothered by the theatricals of others. It allows us to respond differently. This disengagement is what the landmark forum calls finding the blind spot. The situation will untangle itself and we will slowly break free.
When I was at the Landmark forum session I was next to couple of people each time I realize either they help me resolve something or I help them resolve something, it essentially means people come into our space for a reason, to show us something about ourselves that we have never been able to see. When unhealthy people try to hook into their patterns with mind games and power trips we can remind ourselves that we have something to learn here and that a part of us is calling out for healing.
This understanding allows us to shift the focus from the troublesome individual and put it back on ourselves giving us an opportunity to change the situation from inside out.