Giving Power Away By Suppressing The Inner Voice.

kallu chappara (2)

“The Voice

There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
“I feel this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong.”
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
Or wise man can decide
What’s right for you–just listen to
The voice that speaks inside.”
― Shel Silverstein

My brother’s son bent to touch my feet, I told him, don’t do it unless you really feel doing it, for I sensed a certain kind of reluctance in him to do so. This triggered a huge war in our house. of course my sister-in-law being well brought she did not tell me anything upfront, but she was very articulate in expressing her displeasure to my mother. For her it was an issue where I refused to wish her kids well.

For me, it was an issue where the child was giving his power away to others, it could be his mother or it could even be norms. I would bless the boy take a stand on what he wants and stand by it.   we have all faced this kind of repression one way or ther, in schools and in various situation, we reach a point that we do not know how to hold our power because giving it away is ingrained. We have let the noises of other’s opinions drown our own inner voice.

There are times when we feel we have to give our energy to other people just as part of social contract, and we feel we have to do it in order to survive.  But it is possible to exchange energy in a way that preserves our inner integrity and stability, this begins with listening to our inner voice.  The refusal to listen to our inner voice is so ingrained that people sometimes have to be forced to things they would rather not articulate just s that they could hear their own words. It is interesting the way people know things and not know them at the same time. Denial is like a thick stone wall.

When we think about it, buying into trends, letting other people make decisions for us, not exericising our franchise, not voicing our opinion on things, are all occasions when we give up power. Somewhere we are told that if we take a stand, we are being stubborn, aggressive, the difference is very fine, careful listening to our inner voice will let us take a stand, without being aggressive. After all aggression is also a form of fear.

What we do not realize is that unexpressed emotions don’t die they are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.

Standing up for who we are , respecting our self and ignite the divine spark in us, accessing our powers, choosing our rights and working with others brings blessing into our lives, for these relations are built with  our power and we follow it.

In the supporting role…

DSCN8069 In the Supporting role—

Doing our Best work in a supporting role.

right now I am experiencing the poor me, syndrome, the victim and I am superfluous, kind of feeling. I am letting myself wallow in it for may be another 6 hrs before I work it out of my system.

When I look around, sometimes I think life is like the rave music, some one are like conductors, some are soloists, yet their performance would be diminished unless, the orchestra accompanies them. the magical precision of percussion blending with string instruments, and vocalist creates the most beautiful music.  It might happen that we  may not all receive the same attention as another, but each one of our contribution has its own values.

Maybe each task we do with infusing it with our energy becomes a gift.  Each of our personalities and talents are suited to different roles of support.  Leaders and star performers support to others in their own way.  I realized when I have nurtured people the support me with their gift, the only thing I can do is do my part with humility and gratitude, learning the lessons that move us steadily toward our goals.

Maybe our gift becomes apt and beautiful, when we can be fully present in every job that we do, by bringing in fullness of our bodies, minds and spirits to the moment, we enhance the infusion to our gift of our talent and abilities, more so since it becomes a willing contribution. This probably attracts the right people and circumstances into our experience.

Maybe when we do things begrudgingly it limits the flow of our energy and closes us off from the good that is available to us in every situation. But by giving the best in us to make the world around us better, we open ourselves to receive the best from the universe in return.

Making Life Work For Me.

obligationLast evening I met Savio, after the initial hi how are you I asked him, how is Betty long time since I saw her… my bad..she had passed away about two years ago.  his wife Betty and I were moms with the kids in the same class. We met each other every afternoon for 5yrs, that built a kind of connect. We met up coffee and sometimes went to shop together.  About three years back she fainted on morning and it was discovered she had a worm lodged in her brain and it was a ticking bomb. A year later she died.

That’s how self centred I am, and probably many more like me. life goes no, we can crib to eternity how things don’t work for us but we do need to look into is making life work for us.

Handling life, family, work is like we are trying to be supermen/women.  But many things can be edited, and many more delegated.

For the past 6months– I am trying to put my varying responsibility beginning with work, to handling near adult kids, and parents, parents-in-law  everyone a slice of my time and trying to make it work. I should be feeling overwhelmed, I am not, I feeling like my report card shows non-performance. at the end of each day it is as if I am hopelessly behind schedule and time is running out. However regardless of how frustrating this can be, these are the parameters that make up my life, and I owe to myself to make it work.

What I did do to overcome is refused to buckle under the pressure of an impossible to-do-list, and began to view the larger perspective. I had to realize I cannot do everything myself, I needed to delegate, I needed to accept help and understand the word share all over again.

Paying someone to clean up my house was an option I used for a while, but that option fell through, ensuring that my family chipped in is what I could do, what I had to deal with here is the guilt of delegation.  Accepting my partner’s help in home care without going on a guilt trip was another area that I had to work with. Creating three hot meals each day and one lunch pack before 7.30 does run me crazy, so I have now learnt to compromise. It is fresh food each day, but time slot is set aside.

Accepting that we need to make adjustments to make our lives work is an essential ingredient to being at peace with our situation.

an relic from 1800 a tree in front of the museum
an relic from 1800 a tree in front of the museum

At the end of the day, it was about coming to terms with changing what I can and accepting what I cannot change. Sometimes, laundry piles up, sometimes dusting is a challenge,  a sick child may require more attention pushing us off the schedule. Accepting and allowing this momentary state of affairs and trusting my ability to get back to track when time is right, most important was to give perfection, and accept life as it came.

Of course I had support and guidance from

At the end of the day this day passes too.

Homage to the circle.

xammi -VayuWhile creating an Yantra circle represents the divine, between two circles we have Vayu the energizer.  The circle, is completion, it unites thought and action.

Think about it when we are in circle with others the energy stays contained with the group giving back to all.

Circle of trees creates the sacred groove, circle of people is very powerful. Circle is a shape found throughout the natural world and symbolizes perfection.  As we join others to form a circle we recreate this perfection. In a circle there is no hierarchy everyone is equal. Be the tribal ritualistic circles or the mythical round table of King Arthur, the circle has been the shape adopted by gatherings throughout history.

The circle is acknowledged as the archetype of wholeness and integration, with the centre of the circle universally understood to symbolize the spirit the source. In the Natyashastra we call it “Brahmasthana” in a circle each person is at equidistance from this source, that is a great equalizer.

Consider this small child sitting on her mother’s lap while the mother reads her a story. The picture opens  to a width that effectively places the child at the centre of a closed circle created by the mother’s body, arms and the book…that circle, is so private so intimate, its a place apart from the demands and stress of daily life a sanctuary in and from which the child can explore the many worlds the picture book offers. Despite technological advances it still takes one child, one book, and one reader to create this unique space to work this magic.

A circle is only a geometric shape, defined by its centre. There is chicken and egg about it, the centre comes first the circumference follows. The earth by definition has a centre and once we know that we can go wherever we please, knowing fully well that the centre will hold us down, and stop us from flying out of the orbit. But when our sense of centre shifts, the balance goes.

When we reach out to hold hands in a circle, we connect. This physical connect unites through thought and action, mind and body, and spirt and form in a circle. This is because the circle has neither a beginning nor an end; the agreement to connect in a circle allows energy to circulate from one person to the next. Rather than being dissipated into the environment the circle contains the energy.

In a circle there is an assurance to each participant that there is a support system. One is not alone. The power of the group increases exponentially.  It is like a ripple. There is commitment on the face, and clasp hands focus on one intention. Their circle emanates the energy that has the potential to change the world.

Power of partnership,

fig tree at sringeriAnother major lesson that I learnt over the year is the power of partnership. I can do it all alone may happen but not only is it tiring and lonely, it does not allow us achieve our potential.

Working as team, or in partnership allowed me to create something greater than what I could create alone. Not because of any deficiency or incompleteness in me or my partners but because each of us is unique with our own talents and abilities. Me and my partners could create something meaningful together.

As worked in creating the Toastmasters group, the bloggers group or even when working a play is that all partnerships be in romantic, creative or professionally based are powerful relationships for personal growth. As we partnered we harnessed power of union. A partner’s different perspective is valuable, but the very fact that it is different meant, that it would require work, humility, time and resources to incorporate that perspective. At times, this will required checking my pride at the door.

What I figured was important to choose  my partnerships consciously. Sometimes the partnerships I forged were need based  I really did not have a clear intention.  Those these partnerships created from these starting points served my immediate needs, the repercussions of a union fostered from these partnerships were difficult to recover from.  Of course I did learn from each relationship, this somehow made it a depenedent bond, maybe because we were both looking for a fix. It was those partnership that I forged  staying grounded with the awareness that I am my own source of happiness and fulfilment helped me create partnerships that support and enhance the best of who I am.

Sometimes I think everyone in life is a mirror reflecting back parts we love and dislike about ourselves. If we have the courage to recognize our reflections in each other, we can grow through our partnerships. A partnership that offers both acceptance of who wer are and an opportunity for personal transformation can be fertile ground for growing a healthy, lasting union. When we find this kind of partnership we are more likely to want to keep it, invest in it and nurture  it.

Even when it came to marriage I realized it was not ownership but a collaboration. After mutual respect and understanding are achieved,  it is possible to establish real, sincere relationships, which is the foundation of a solid long-term collaboration.

.It is funny we think the fire eats the wood. Actually we are wrong. The wood reaches out to the flame. The fire licks at what the wood harbours and the wood gives itself away to that intimacy the  manner which we and world meet each new day.

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”
― John Joseph PowellThe Secret of Staying in Love

Willingness to feel—a lesson that I had to learn


When I set on my journey to self healing. A major lesson I had to learn was willingness. A willingness to feel, that brought an opening to understanding. Quite many times I could catch myself resisting something based on a limited understanding; I realized I had to open myself to understanding that meant I had to be willing to understand.

There were times when I found myself struggling or even fighting with my thoughts and emotions. I felt that things had to be done in a certain way or not at all, there were other situations where things felt absolutely black and white. But my learning at the Landmark education forum and Louise Hay healing, taught me, it need not be, it’s the way that I was looking at my experience that caused the turmoil within us. As I became aware of the struggle that I was having with myself, I could t turn my attention to the source in order to solve the problem. But I needed to be willing to look where I need to feel emotions that may make me uncomfortable at first then I could choose really open myself to understanding all the options, I could imagine. Usually what I discovered was I resisting something based on a limited understanding and I had to open myself to a willingness to understand, that meant acknowledging a certain amount of judgemental tendency.

When I was willing to look at all the possibilities I also began to accept that there is room for more than I could imagine, I could release myself from the grip I had on my emotions and stop limiting myself. I probably was unwilling to experience the sense of loss, confusion, fear or even joy that experienced by clinging on to that state I was in, but I had to realize that I was not allowing the space for the universe to move in my life, I warped in time, space and growth.

Opening myself to willingness meant, I was surrendering or abandoning all what I believed, the fear of having to deal with that vacuum was tremendous. It required a lot of courage that gave me the power to make a conscious choice, it was then I actually understood the application of personal will. Being willing is to be in a state of willing, this state allowed us to will something into the creation. It was at once allowing myself to be and directing my energy in a focused way. It was being and doing from a place of openness, where we can work with the universe rather than resist it. It is an open hand rather than one that is clenched into a fist. When I took a step towards willingness, I opened myself to truth, possibility and the movement of the wise universe in and through my life.

A little time to meditate.

bhudha bhoomi (4)Meditating more when our plates are full, is definitely worth the time.

When I was thirteen my grandmother who was a trainer with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi’s TM movement, intiated me into transcendental meditation. Then I would meticulous, and importantly carve that  15mnts in the morning, and 15mnts in the evening for meditation.  Every Saturday we had our “talks with Maharishi” but as I grew older time became a premium. It was difficult for me to do everything the first casualty was meditation.

I did not get back into the meditation track until last year though I did do chants on and off.    What I find is that daily meditation helps me to centre for the day..

Its not just me, many of my peers, observed the same thing, that the first thing that tends to get cut in busy schedule is the meditative slot.  My husband has a different take on this, he says when we focus our energy and attend to something we are meditating what we are cutting out is on the internal communication, or the contemplation. Some would like to refer to this as sitting in silence. The more stressed the day or rather cluttered the day, the greater is the need for this quiet time.

This time crunch could be dealt by either expanding our meditation time in the morning by a few minutes, or taking a few minutes of to meditate during the day. Even 5-10 mnts would suffice. The idea, is we let the brain thought flow rest a while. Doing dishes, or heading to work can wait a while. I realized that whether I did the dishes at 8pm or 8.05 pm made no difference.

Carving out the niche time was the primary challenge for me, what I did, was in the morning I wake up at my time, but I keep things ready for the next day as I am watching television this keeps the mundane in focus. Just before night I put aside 10mnts to do meditation. This practise has made my sleep toxic free, as plan your next day, or analysis of the day gone by does not happen. the fall out is I am more centered and more effective in everything I do.

I shall leave with you a quote from Osho—

“I’m simply saying that there is a way to be sane. I’m saying that you can get rid of all this insanity created by the past in you. Just by being a simple witness of your thought processes.

It is simply sitting silently, witnessing the thoughts, passing before you. Just witnessing, not interfering not even judging, because the moment you judge you have lost the pure witness. The moment you say “this is good, this is bad,” you have already jumped onto the thought process.

It takes a little time to create a gap between the witness and the mind. Once the gap is there, you are in for a great surprise, that you are not the mind, that you are the witness, a watcher.

And this process of watching is the very alchemy of real religion. Because as you become more and more deeply rooted in witnessing, thoughts start disappearing. You are, but the mind is utterly empty.

That’s the moment of enlightenment. That is the moment that you become for the first time an unconditioned, sane, really free human being.”
― Osho