This is something that always intrigued me, the co dependency of intimacy and responsibility, how does this work in relation to our roles, and the roles we play with others.
Freedom in a relationship is about becoming very clear about our own co-dependency and the kind of roles we play with others, be it our intimate partners or family or friends and colleagues.
Many times I have wondered, who am I in the presence of others? Is that the real me? I know I do hide my joy, pain, truth or love. Then I come to what is real love? How can I be in relationship with others and stay true to myself not feel abandoned or enmeshed with other. How can I let go of wanting to save or fix you and just take on my own SELF? yet feel happy and loved?
Having intimacy without responsibility I am told is about practising the art and skill of freedom in relationship…moving toward more love and care for self.
But one thing I have noticed, there is some mystery and sacred space that relationship takes us. this honours a universal truth—that is, every relationship I have is mirroring something about me that is wanting to come up into consciousness for my healing and transformation… my wholeness and the evolution of my soul.Whenever I have a problem or issue with anyone, I have an opportunity to heal and transform something within me. like an un resolved old wound or trauma, something I lost, maybe something I needed, or something that I am totally unaware of. Each person that we attract in our life, is a part of our wholeness, a missing piece of the healing puzzle. That no matter what happens in this relationship. I am healing more because I am choosing to view every part of relationship as a sacred thing.
Maybe I should declare…I am speaking my truth principle#1
I am here on this earth for my own soul’s evolution — not take care of you
I learnt that love is not about taking care of someone else, though it could be rewarding, this becomes a burden sooner or later. Some people learn to take this because it was part of their survival; many had to grow up too fast having to take care of siblings, or make up for imbalance in parental care.
There are times when I have felt caretaking can become a disease. Most caretakers become martyrs and eventually become sick or addicted to something to take away the pain. When I care-take someone else, I get to not take care of myself, if I am care-taking , YOU are what I am always thinking about. I begin to worry, control, manipulate and hold in my feelings or I become angry and hurtful. Either way it does not work and I am not whole.
But I am on this earth for my evolution, I am here to take care of ME.I will let YOU take care of YOURSELF, this does not mean I will not support you. I will figure out how to do it, so that both of us looked up in the healthiest t way.
As I learn to take care of me, i am actually to free to love the other fully. I will not have to be fearful of the time spent to gather. I know I am not giving away of a part of myself. I am actually committing myself to my journey.
Probably answering these questions may be helpful.
- Who am I taking care oo?
- In what way do I do this?
- How long have I been trying to take care of other people?
- Am I committed to the evolution of my own soul?