Healing the Mother on Mother’s day

Its mother’s day.

What can I gift my mother for mother’s day.

We have been fed with amazing stories of mothers, Kunti, Jijabhai’s and Kaikeyi’s. From our tradition. Coming to independent India we have the all we have that lady I forget her name, the abused sacrificing doormat mother. I think her name was Sulochana I am not sure. Then came the strong, sacrificing mother, but she exacted a payment essayed by Nirupa Roy. Then came the indulgent friendly mother epitomized by Reema Lagoo the current mothers are confused.

So probably the greatest gift to my mother is releasing her from this “mater” image and view her just a person who happens to be female, just as I rebelled from fitting into her image of ideal daughter, I should release her from being sentenced into the standard mother role. Hmm tall order but is definitely worth a try.

Over the last few years when people come for healing the major issue is troubled relationship with parents particularly with the mother. Many a times the disturbed relationship between a mother and daughter is usually a mother wound.

How does this manifest

It is the pain of

• Being compared, and feeling not good enough.
• Shame – where there is a background sense that there is something wrong with you.
• The pain of the need to remain small to be loved.
• It is guilt for wanting more that you currently have.

It could manifest as

• Underplaying your potential so that you do not threaten others.
• Taking a lot put me down from people because you do not want to rock equations.
• Emotional care taking.
• Feeling competitive or threatened by other by other women
• Self sabotage.
• Sometimes even being rigid and dominating stems from an unhealed mother wound.
• The OCD’s the eating disorders all find their seeds here.

There is a huge stereotype conversation around mother, like, “look at everything your mother did for you.”—this is usually from others. “My mother sacrificed so much for me, I would be selfish to do what she could not do, and I do not want her feel bad.”  The last and the most damaging conversation, “I owe loyalty to my mother no matter what; if I upset she will think I don’t value her.”

Likewise mothers have been handed a code.

• If you find motherhood difficult then it is your fault.
• If you are not super-human shame on you
• Maternal code is natural, spontaneous and easy if it is not there is something deeply wrong with you.
• You are supposed to manage it all, have socially acceptable well behaved children, be sexually attractive, and have a successful career and a solid marriage.

Oh did I forget to mention the Indian mother is not supposed acknowledge being sexually attractive.

Cord cutting is a procedure in hypnotherapy which applied to do away with toxic relationship.  The maternal cord is the only cord that cannot be cut, it only be reattached.

 I think today I shall set my mother free from the demands I made on her for the past 50yrs, particularly on the stereotypes handed.  I accept the nurture she gave me on her terms. I really appreciated it. I forgive myself for resenting her moments of anger and resentment towards me. I am really humbled by her presence in my life, the support she gives me to the day.